Mini Date

Cute little fella, isn't he? My taste usually lies with tall, dark and handsome sorts-- but this short, blonde and adorable kid is exactly my type. He and I ventured out on a date today.

Mister turns 4 this week, and I felt the occasion warranted a special outing. So I called his mom and set up arrangements for the afternoon. I even wore a dress. A dress! After all, a dress is appropriate for the first date with a good-looking guy. (Go ahead and stick with sweats if you'd prefer not to see the gentleman again-- or if your first date is to the gym....)

I picked Mister up and my sister met me at the door.

"Did you get all dressed up just for Mister?" She asked.

"Yep."

"Mister-- what do you say?"

"Thank you."

Uh, you're welcome? In Mister's defense, the question "what do you say?" is almost always a mom's prompt for gratitude. But my sister nudged him, suggesting a different response instead.

"Oh! You look beautiful!"

After putting his carseat in my car (I've never dated a guy who had to sit in a harness in the backseat) and reminding her little man to act like a gentleman, my sister bade us farewell.

Our conversation was...interesting.

"Do you like having your sister gone at school all day, or do you miss her?"

"I like having her gone."

"You know what? When I was little I liked it when your mom went to school and I got to stay home, too."

"I remember that! Even though I wasn't born, I remember."

"Ohhhhhhh."

"Hey Lindsay, why are you always impressed?"

"Impressed?"

"Yeah. You're always impressed."

This question threw me for a loop. I think I'm going to ask an adult why they're always impressed so I can find out how to answer that one.

Hey Susie, why are you always impressed? I'd really like to know.

We arrived at Starbucks and I informed my date he could order anything he wanted.

"Do they have pink milk?"

"Yes!"

"I want pink milk and a pink cake pop."

So that's what he got. (Well, actually, he got 2 pink cake pops-- it's my job as auntie to make sure he gets more than he bargained for.)

Instead of sitting down and chatting, like my usual dating M.O., Mister bounced here and there, finally finding entertainment in shaking the umbrella pole outside.

"Uh, Mister-- you probably shouldn't do that. It might upset the workers here."

"Will they punish us?"

"They might."

"What will they do?" His eyes widen, envisioning heinous torture, no doubt.

"They might make us leave."

"They might make a sleeve?"

I could see him trying to process this unusual form of discipline. I tried to imagine it too. Starbucks employees, feverishly sewing a sleeve to present to us in disapproval of Mister's behavior. Indignantly tossing it in our direction upon its completion. Maybe a short sleeve indicates less anger, and a long sleeve implies you'd better not show your face at this particular Starbucks again. And a whole shirt? You're probably headed for jail. I didn't correct the misunderstanding.

After Starbucks we went to the park, and when he tired of playing alone (Auntie's dress was a bit short for running and jumping) we went to McDonald's for french fries and more play. There he unceremoniously dropped me for two cute little numbers closer to his age. Although, he did take a few breaks to come profess his love to me. Player.

"I love you so much, Auntie!"

"I love you too, Mister!"

"I love you more."

"Not possible-- I love you more."

Then he'd scamper away again. Off with Sophie and Eva-- the tiny date stealers.

At the end of our outing he thanked me. "Can we go again tomorrow?"

"Oh, I'd love to, but I can't, Mister."

"The next day?"

"Tell you what, we'll go out again really soon. Okay?"

"Okay!"

I wonder when it will stop being cool to date his aunt.... I think I have a few more years to enjoy. And after that, I'm not averse kidnapping.

Hiiiiiiiiii-YA!

Holy cow it's been a busy week. But that's neither here nor there....

LM went back-to-school shopping with hubby's mom tonight. And I'm almost 100% sure I will regret allowing him to keep some of his selections, including this one:

Yes, that is a jacket. A ninja jacket. The hood zips all the way down his face to give that charming criminal look. But how do I say no to this face?

I can't.

Anyway, I have some quotes today:

1. Bopper: (on the phone with me) "Auntie, I lost two teeth!"
Me: "I know!"
Bopper: "I'm just soooo cute!"
(Two teeth gone; self-esteem still very present.)

2. LM: "...and then one dinosaur took the guy's legs in his mouth, and the other dinosaur took the other end of him and ripped him in two...."
Me: (interrupting) "Yikes!"
LM: "Actually, it was pretty godly to share their human."
(Yep, no doubt about it, those dinosaurs must have been Christians! Wait....)

3. Mister: "Ruby, you know, I'm just like God."
Ruby: "Why, Mister?"
Mister: "Because I eat bread."
(Well, if that's all there is to it, I have arrived!)

4. LM: "Dad can't even make the velociraptor sound-- like in Jurassic Park. But if we got a resonating chamber for him, he'd love it!"
(Amazon.com has those, right?)

5. Me: (to Bopper) "Carson sure likes you!" (Carson is our ancient Boxer.)
Bopper: "Yeah, I give her good rubbers."
(Yikes...can we please just call it petting instead?)

6. Me: "Will you grab me that book, Monkey Butt?"
LM: (trying to clarify this odd new term) "Are you calling me the monkey and Carson the butt?"
Me: "No. But Carson does smell like a butt...and you smell like a monkey."
LM: "But Mom, monkeys smell like butts, too."
Me: "Oh, I guess you might be right. Sorry about that, Monkey Butt."
LM: "Mooooooooommmm!"
(It must be hard having a mom who is barely more mature than you are....)

7. LM: (after I'd been reading to him for an hour) "Keep reading!"
Me: "I can't anymore, bud. My voice is tired."
LM: "Mom, I don't think in studies they've ever found that voices can be tired."
(His Aspie literalness...gets me every time.)

8. Me: 'LM, please go wash your hands before dinner."
LM: (hucks a loogie into his hands and rubs 'em together).
Me: "Uh, no, go wash them for real."
(I have no words....)

9. Hubby: (asleep) "Hands-offy! Too many times people reach for that stinkin' math! I said hands-OFF! That'll teach 'em."

10. LM: "Dad, I don't like it when you do all that explaining stuff. It annoys me."
(By "explaining" he of course meant "lecturing". And kids all around the world cheered.)

Well, that's it for today, folks!

Bag-O-Quotes

I've managed to gather lots of quotes recently-- and they come from a variety of sources! From nieces and nephews, to sisters and first-cousins-once-removed. And, of course, LM.

1. Mister: (singing to himself) "I'm a bottomy, I'm a bottomy-- I'll toot your face off!"
(I suppose if there ever were such a thing as a bottomy, that's exactly what it would do.)

2. Carmenita: (excitedly eyeing a jar of peaches) "I want peaches!"
Me: (getting ready to dole them out) "Okay-- how much do you want?"
Carmenita: "I want toooooo much!"
(Now that's my kind of girl!)

3. LM: (avoiding my motherly advances) "You can't smooch me until you give me something proper to eat."
(Okay then, would a knuckle sandwich constitute as "proper"?)

4. LM: (approaching a gentleman with his canine) "Can I pet your dog? Hey, kind sir, can I pet your dog?"
(Kind sir.... Works every time.)

5. Hubby: (sleeping-- groaning as he spoke) "Champs-Elysees...Champs-Elysees...."
(If he's speaking French in his sleep, all I gotta say is he better be dreaming about me.)

6. LM: (after hubby had collected and deposited a number of LM's belongings into his tidy room) "Stop putting stuff in my room! I'm tired of having that, that, this, this all over the place-- it's like I'm a hoarder!"

7. T: (said loudly to her husband in public) "Stop dinkering with your dinker!"
(If only people knew she'd been talking about his phone....)

8. Bopper: (upon seeing hubby) "Well, hey there Branting!"
(I waited for her to give him a smack on the rump to complete the male athlete greeting, but she missed that part.)

9. Me: (observing LM and Mister working hard outside) "Good job, boys! You're doing awesome work!"
Mister: "Thanks! You're pretty!"
(I think he felt he needed to answer my compliment with one of his own. Hey, I'll take whatever I can get.)

10. Me: (hearing telling "number two" noises come from the bathroom) "What's going on in there?"
LM: "Something awesome."
(Doesn't smell awesome....)

11. LM: "We only have one rated-R movie, which I'm disgusted about!"
(I'm confused. He's disgusted that we have it, or that we have only one?)

12. LM: (looking for a small Lego piece) "It's like trying to find hay in a needle-stack!"
(Sounds painful. And not that difficult, actually.)

13. Me: (lying next to LM in bed, reading to him) "Hey bud, can you scoot over? You're crushing my shoulder."
LM: (after I'd adjusted to a comfortable position...for me) "Ugh! Now I'm in the same state you were in!"
(A terrible state, that.)

Last, but not least, a little gem I ripped from my cousin's Facebook page. It makes me laugh every time. With her permission:

"As my family and I were sitting at the dining room table eating breakfast this morning, the little one was being delightfully naughty. She continued to dip her fingers in her bowl of maple syrup after I had told her to stop. I looked at her and with a half smile told her that I had brought her into this world and I could taker her out if it. She smiled and said that she would then get to go to God. To which her daddy replied, "But you know what happens to naughty children when they go to Heaven, don't you? You grow a third arm on your back that spanks you over and over for all of eternity." The whole family erupted in hysterical laughter. Thanks, Babe. We'll go ahead and file this day in the "Awesome Parenting" category :-)"

Man Up!

Hubby went backpacking and decided to appoint LM as "man of the house" while he's gone.

Nice one, hubs. He might as well have said, "Hey LM, here's a free pass to do whatever you want for the next three days! Have at it, bud!" Hmmm, maybe next time I leave I'll appoint Ruby as "princess". Should give him about the same effect.

But the upside is that LM is taking his role very seriously. When we returned home late this evening, he even insisted on checking the house for burglars before letting me inside.

"Hey, is anyone in here?" he called out through the barely cracked-open door. When no heinous criminal answered, he figured we were safe to enter. Phew!

Anyway...haven't done quotes in a while, and surprisingly, I only have a few to share:

1. LM: (to his sister's friend) "Beware of my sister, she tends to have a lot of problems."
(Needless to say, he didn't earn any points with his sister on that one.)

2. Hubby: (stepping on the dog's bed) "Gross! There's something wet there." (He bravely bends down to take a whiff.)
Me: "Is it pee? Puke? Drool?"
LM: "Maybe it's time we get her some diapers."
Me: "Bud, at the point we need to get this dog diapers, it'll be time to take her down to the vet for a permanent nap."
Hubby, Ruby, LM: (in chorus) "Nooooooooooooo!"
(Seriously? I can't be the only one who sees the logic in this.)

3. Hubby: (asleep) "Cascading Ken. Dude, I would totally pick him-- he's the perfect match! And Alfonso...that guy rocks! Or is it Alonso? Alfonso or Alonso? Alfonso, that's it."
(Cascading Ken? Was he dreaming about Malibu Barbie's boyfriend or something?)

4. MIL: (referring to a person whose intellect does not impress her) "Yeah, she's not the sharpest cook in the drawer."
(Ummm...never mind.)

5. LM: (fed-up with his misbehaving little cousin) "Somebody needs to overthrow that brat!"
(No worries, son, his parents have already staged a coup.)

6. LM: (speaking to his great grandma) "Gigi, have you ever been hit where it hurts?" (Points to his crotch and nods knowingly) "I have."

7. Mister: (after his sister hit him for being a pest) "Mom, Bopper hit me!"
Bopper: "That's not hitting, that's sign language for 'Mister, knock it off!'"
(I'd like her to teach me her version of sign language sometime-- sounds useful!)

That's all I got for now. Until next time....

A Pox On Us!

Chickenpox, round two!  That's right, LM finally got 'em (three weeks after Ruby's bout).  I can attest to the fact Ruby had them way worse, yet LM is far-and-away the more vigorous complainer and less easily appeased of the two.  Apparently a man's inability to handle sickness starts early in life.  (No offense to any of you macho exceptions out there, of course!)  But c'mon gals, can I get an amen?

1. LM: (trying to get by his sister) "Can I get through?"
Ruby: "No."
LM: "Why?"
Ruby: "Because you exist!"
LM: "What does exist mean?"
Ruby: "It means you're real."
LM: "I can't go through because I'm real?"
(Suddenly, her original proclamation doesn't seem so bitingly witty anymore.)

2. LM: "Mom, let's buy our favorite animal, cut it open, and offer it to God-- you know, like a sacrifice."
Me: "But we don't have to do that anymore.  Jesus came and was the last sacrifice on our behalf."
LM: "Well, Mom, God likes it when we give extra sacrifices."
(Somehow, I don't think dead animals is what He's after.)

3. Me: "LM, your zipper's down."
LM: "Oh, are the horses leaving the barn?"
Me: "...Um...no, they're still in there...."
(I believe the phrase he was looking for was "the barn door's open".  Dang, now I have imagery I need to remove from my head.)

4. LM: (looking at the freshly falling snow outside) "Uh, Mom-- this is a little crazy, but...I think Christmas is coming back!"
(Yeah, in about 10 1/2 months.)

5. LM: (talking about what he'd say if someone bullied Ruby) "If you put a hand on my sister, I'll put a hand on your FACE!!"
(You may know by now that, for better or worse, I don't discourage this sort of talk.)

6. The Mister: (after cracking an egg and missing the bowl entirely, he stares at the mess) "That's not my best work."
(Ah, but I beg to differ....  I believe that may indeed be as good as it gets.)

7. Hubby: (asleep) "Huuuuuuuhhhhh!  There it is-- THANK YOU, JESUS!"
("Thank you, Jesus" being yelled out in a child's sing-song manner.)

8. LM: (playing Clue, and offering a colorful guess) "It was Colonel Mustard, in the Hallway-- he shot the victim dead cold."

9. LM: "Mom, is it true on your second date you have to have French?"
Me: (stunned silent, wondering where he heard about French kissing.)
LM: "Mom! Did you and Dad eat French on your second date?"
Me: (relief flooding over me as I realize he's talking about food) "Oh!  No, we didn't.  You can eat whatever you want on your second date."
(As long as it's not each other's faces.)

10. LM: (having me compare pet weight to people weight) "How much would 2 Carsons weigh?"
Me: "That would be about one Ruby."
LM: "How much would one Carson and one puppy be?"
Me: "About one you."
LM: "How much would 100 Carsons be?"
Me: "Oh, gosh, I don't think---"
LM: "One Popi?"
Me: "Not even close, bud."
(Popi's more like three Carsons and a Chihuahua.)

Have a wonderful day, everyone!  We're about to start yet another movie here-- I've lost count.  (Don't judge me too harshly.)  Apparently my inability to handle the boy's sickness is just as dismal as his own.

Secret Ingredients

Happy New Year!  I've been thinking about what my resolutions will be, but nobody seems as excited about them as I am.  I suggested to hubby, "Why don't we go vegan for a year!  Doesn't that sound like fun?!"  No matter how much I tried to sugar coat it (or, more veganly, raw honey coat it) hubby was not biting.  I was prepared for this, however, and changed my tactic, "How about if only I go vegan for a year?"  My sister and brother-in-law shook their heads, giving hubby abject looks of sympathy.  I wasn't ready to give up, though.  "What if I go vegan on the weekdays, but eat like everyone else on weekends and special occasions?"  No love there, either.  "Okay!  How about if I'm just vegetarian on weekdays, and eat like everyone else on weekends and special occasions?"  Hubby rolled his eyes in exasperation.  So, where did things end up?  I have no idea!  But I do know one thing: as the cook goes, so goes everyone else.  Wahahahaaaa!

Here are some quotes to start the year off with a smile:

1. Me: (coming up behind LM and hugging him) "I love you!"
LM: "Uhhh, thanks, Mom.  You're making me nervous."

2. LM: (extremely excited about a friend coming over, going through his prep list) "Got dressed: check.  Got a movie: check.  Brushed my teeth: check.  Cleaned my room: raincheck."

3. LM: "Dora and Diego sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-T-U-V!"
(Would that be the Russian version, possibly?)

4. LM: (talking about marrying a girl someday) "First, I need to get sexy."
Me: "Oh, well, you don't need to worry about that right now.  That'll come later."
LM: "But Mom, I have to be sexy for my wife to have babies-- 'cause sex is the secret ingredient!"
Me: "Ooooookaaaaaay...."
(Quick!  Someone change the subject!)

The next four are quotes that my dad has collected during his time with the grandchildren and then sent to me.  I use them with his permission.

1. Popi: "Bopper, did you know that Nini was in Popi's kindergarten class?"
Bopper: "Was she your teacher?"
(Not sure how to take this... does she think Nini is that much older than me or that much smarter??)

2. Mister: "Popi, I have a secret."
Popi: "Well, can you tell me what it is?"
Mister: "I can tell you behind the door." (He proceeds to leave the room, close the door, and state the secret so I can't hear, then comes back in looking a little relieved.)
Popi: "Mister, can you whisper the secret in my ear?"
Mister: (coming close and looking like he is unsure if it's a good idea to reveal the information, but then whispers) "Popi, I don't like you a little bit."
Popi: "Why, Mister?"
Mister: "Because you told me not to climb over the couch." (Eee gads, that was yesterday!)

3. LM: "Popi, next time you go snorkeling in Hawaii, could you get me a shark tooth?  Actually, about 13.  I need one for everyone in my class."
(One or 13, it's about the same degree of difficulty....)

4. LM: "If you don't study in school you might grow up and have a smelly job-- like a fisherman.  But if I were a fisherman I'd just have lots of cologne on my boat.  I'd spray it everywhere."
(Sounds like it could still be a smelly job.)

That's it for now!  May you succeed in your goals this year (however clever you need to be to achieve them)!

Guilty!

What?!  No way 2 weeks have passed since I last posted.  But you'll be pleased to know I have been filling my time with important civic duties (aka jury duty).  And to all the people who said, "Don't worry!  You probably won't get selected for anything!" I would like to ask if you forgot to knock on wood after sharing such a delightful prophesy.  'Cause I did get picked.  And it was fascinating.  You know what else is fascinating?  (Okay, that was a lame segue, but we all know they aren't my forte.)  Quotes!

1. LM: (listening to his sister and her friend talk about the biggest baby ever born) "Whoa!  Can you imagine that coming out of the part?"

(We're all trying not to, bud, thanks anyway.)

2. LM: "Why do they call them stepdads?  'Cause they step on people?"

3. LM: (singing at the top of his lungs) "Eat up your kids!  Eat up your kids!  Eat up your kids and have fun!  Kids are tasty!"

(For the record, we do not eat children and never have.  Okay...maybe a little nibble here and there.)

4. Mister: (coming out of the bathroom with a big smile) "Oh yeah!  Oh yeah!  I got my poop on!"

5. Bopper: (reciting the pledge of allegiance, which she is learning in Kindergarten) "I pledge in public of North America, in geo public under God, Erin Divisible and Justin Thaw."

(So. Much. To. Say. Can't. Decide!)

6. LM: "Mom, if this house were a mouth, how much would it eat?"

(Wow-- think about that for a minute.  It's deep!)

7. LM: "Ruby, the boys in your class think I'm really popular, and that makes you really popular."

8. LM: "Mom, did you know that boys are more special than girls in Heaven?  I'm not trying to be rude, but...it's true."

(Ummm, no offense taken...I guess.)

9. LM: (referring to Survivor) "I'm blindsided, too-- I never see anything coming!"

10. Ruby: (listening to LM talk a bit of nonsense) "LM, don't burden me with your horrifying words."

(Okay, Rube, as long as you don't burden the rest of us with your over-adjectivication of thoughts.)

Notice anything missing?  Like, hubby sleep-talking quotes?  Well, Ruby let the cat out of the bag....  Busted!  :)  Maybe I can sneak a few in here or there in the future, but I got nothin' for you this time.

Still Still Here!

Wow-- has it really been almost a month since I last posted? Where has the summer gone?! Have I lost everyone?

Well, I have a few quotes for any of you who've hung in there through the dry spell. This will probably be one of the last posts that include hubby's sleep-talking quotes since my computer has been banned from bed (something about it being annoying or something like that).

1. Hubby: (asleep) "Settle down, you wild punk! Settle down or you'll end up on your butt!"

2. LM: "Mom, when I grow up, I'm going to get a Camaro."

Me: "Did you know that my Uncle J used to have a red Camaro?"

LM: "Really?! Does he still have it?"

Me: "Ummmm...I don't know."

LM: "Well, if he does, I'm totally going to buy it from him for like, $400! Then I'll have my own sweet Camaro!"

(So, what do you say, Uncle J? Do we have a deal?)

3. LM: "Mom, did you know you have a big butt?"

Me: "Errr...yes, I did know that."

LM: "It's probably because of your muffin top, right?"

(Wow, a two-fer diss. Gotta love that!)

4. Hubby: (asleep) "What's going on there, big guy? And I don't mean He-Man."

5. LM: "I have one question; how do you feel about having a muscle on your core?"

Me: "Ummmmmm...huh?"

(How does he do that-- ask unanswerable questions with such ease?)

6. Hubby: (asleep, and in a Southern accent) "He got 'er good, Bobby! Yes he did! Damn St. Petersburg...." (mumble, mumble, mumble).

(Cussing doesn't count if it's done in one's sleep, right?)

7. LM: (talking about a kid who isn't very kind to him) "Mom, next time I see him, I'm gonna...." (Proceeds to describe some intricate form of torture I can't recall.)

Me: "But do you remember we're supposed to love our enemies?"

LM: "He's not my enemy...I just hate him."

(Ah, yes, well then go ahead and beat the snot out of him, kiddo. My mistake.)

8. Hubby: (asleep) "Sam, give'm a five. Nice. Very strange, very strange."

9. LM: (praying) "Dear Jesus, thank you for the lesson in Transformers. It's not as good as your word, but it's pretty good. I wish it was your word. Amen."

10. LM: (as his cousin is elbowing him at the dinner table) "Mister is nudging me! Tell him to stop!"

Mister: (turning to Nini, pointing to his elbow) "Is this my nudge?"

That's all I got, folks! I'm hoping that as school resumes I'll get back to a more normal posting schedule. 'Cause, dang, lots of funny things happen when school starts. G'night!

Still Here!

I tell ya, it's not easy keeping up a blog during the summer. I've probably mentioned that before.... Ach, I'm just makin' excuses for not posting-- it's a bad habit. (Excuses, that is.)

A lot's been going on, though. LM started Kendo class. Basically, it's a class to teach him how to wield a sword, Samurai style. For those of you who think that's an insane idea on our part, I may have to agree with you on that one. But, hey, if the kid's gonna wield a sword regardless, might as well teach him how to do it properly....

Anyway, the quotes are starting to stack up, so here goes nothin':

1. LM: (after being chided by hubby for not finishing his chore) "Oh well, at least I picked up half my mess!"

Hubby: "Oh, okay, maybe I'll only give you half of your breakfast tomorrow then!"

LM: "Sounds like a fair deal to me!"

(LM walked away from that exchange quite pleased, while hubby realized he'd been foiled again.... Note to self: if you don't intend for LM to take an offer literally, don't make it.)

2. The Bopper: (wanting to see her brother's new Toy Story character) "Hey Mister, can I check out your Woody?"

(Am I the only one who immediately thinks of...oh, never mind.)

3. LM: (amidst an argument he and hubby were having) "Dad, am I hearing a little bit of rudies coming from me and you? 'Cause I don't do rudies anymore."

(Rudies? What are we, in Kindergarten? Besides, he totally still does rudies!)

4. LM: "Mom, will you help me get my DS stylus from underneath Ruby's bed?"

Me: (having just gotten gussied up for a wedding) "No, bud, I just did my hair and make-up and I don't want to ruin it."

LM: (trying to find a loophole) "But Mom, I don't think your hair looks all that good."

(Nice try, buddy, I'm still not crawling under the bed!)

5. LM: "Hey Mom, I painted Starscream white, and now I call him Ice Scream."

(Ohhhhh, now there's a name to instill fear into the hearts of his enemies! Watch out, everyone, Ice Cream is coming to get you-- ahhhhhh, help! Not that cool, creamy sweetness!)

6. LM: (admiring his daddy's physique) "Dad! You have a six pack! Now, all you need to do is lose this." (Pokes hubby's paunch.)

The rest are hubby's sleep (or nearly sleep) talking quotes. He's usually good for a few laughs-- but you can be the judge of that.

1. Hubby: (asleep, but after I had coughed loudly) "Shhhhhhhhhh ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch ch-- quiet!"

2. Hubby: (asleep) "Hey, can I have one?" (Pokes me a few times.) "Can I have one?"

3. Hubby: (his sleep being disturbed after I reached over him to grab something) "Nooooo! You and your pesky friends!"

4. Hubby: (asleep-- rolls over and slings an arm around me) "Ahhhhh, you're amazing! Amazing! Amaaaaaaazing."

5. Hubby: (asleep-- and in a Southern accent) "Said one bun to the other bun, 'I won't make it!'"

In fact, while I've been typing this post (with my mad secretarial typing skills-- not) I upset hubby's sleep a bit. Unfortunately, he didn't say anything worth repeating-- it was much too coherent for public interest. But I suppose he's right about one thing: I should put this dang computer away and get some sleep. G'night, everyone!

When It Rains....

Poor hubby. He's off on a 3-day, 2-night field trip with his students. But that's not what makes the man poor. It's the fact that he's off on a 3-day, 2-night field trip with his students without his suitcase of clothes, sleeping bag and pillow. Yep, all his gear is still in the back of our car. He forgot to load it on the bus. Whoopsie! Those of you who know me well know that I laughed hysterically at this news. But it gets worse (and much less funny). He also lost his iTouch while sightseeing with the kiddos. Big bummer. So every time the phone rings now and it's him, I cringe a little. (What next? I don't think I wanna know....)

1. Mister: (throwing a small fit)

Me: (with mock seriousness) "Do you know what we do with little boys who throw fits?"

Mister: (a bit worried) "What?"

Me: "We kiss 'em!!" (I proceed to plaster his face with kisses.)

Mister: (indignant) "No we don't! We spank 'em!"

(Sorry, bud, I can't help you there.... And just in case his mother reads this and gets any ideas about a post-event punishment, rest assured I already took care of the little bugger. Yep, he got tickled no joke!)

2. LM: "Nini said we'll probably take drugs when we grow up."

Hubby: "Why would she say that?"

LM: "Because I'm cool and might like to do that."

(Hmmmmmm.... I think something was definitely lost in translation. Either that, or we're gonna have to keep both eyes on that Nini!)

3. LM: "You know what my least favorite words are?"

Me: "What?"

LM: "'What the hell' and 'Oh my god'. Wanna know what my favorite words are?"

Me: (nervous) "Uh-huh...."

LM: "'What the blazes' and 'What the heck'."

(Well, I think it's clear we may need to diversify his favorite vocabulary a bit here. Especially after I saw him trying to teach a friend's 18-month old how to say "what the heck". I'm sure they were thrilled.)

4. LM: "Mom, know who my favorite dicycle is?"

Me: "Who?"

LM: "Peter! 'Cause I just love how he cut off that guy's ear."

(He's my favorite, too! But for different reasons....)

5. LM: (trying to, um, impress a friend) "I've drunked my own blood before, have you?"

Friend: "You've drunked it?! That's not how you say it! You say 'I've drinked it'!"

(Ugh, I don't know what's worse-- that his friend took no issue with LM's nasty confession, or the fact that his grammatical correction of my son was so grammatically atrocious itself.)

6. Hubby: (asleep-- dead asleep) "That's a bunch of bull! Hogwash! You're not fine-- you're just saying washy, washy, happy, happy!"

("Washy, washy, happy, happy" being said in a "neener neener" tone. Folks, I could create an entire blog around what this man says in his sleep.)

7. My Sister: (singing silly songs to The Bopper)

Bopper: "Mom, sometimes when you sing it makes my stomach feel sick and I wanna throw up a little bit."

(Ahhhh, so sweet!)

Well, I'm off to bed! I'll be thinking of hubby as I snuggle up all nice and cozy, head on an actual pillow instead of a wad of someone's dirty clothes. Wahahahahaaaaaa! No worries-- I'm sure he'll think the whole situation is funny too...eventually.

April Fool

LM has been giving us a bit of a run for our money lately. He's been taking a keen interest in tormenting his sister-- and she is an all-too-willing victim. It can get as ridiculous as the following: LM: "Hey Ruby, look at the blue grass outside!" Ruby: "It's not blue-- it's green." LM: (smiling impishly) "Nah-uh-- it's blue!" Ruby: (nostrils flaring) "LM, quit lying! It's green! Look outside-- does that look blue to you?" LM: (almost giddy with delight) "Yep." Ruby: (foaming) "Moooooom! Make LM stop saying that! Tell him to say the grass is green!" Eventually it ends with Ruby delivering a solid right hook to her brother's noggin as LM crumples to the floor in a dramatic heap.

So.... Who gets in more trouble? The one who is deliberately pushing buttons, or the one whose buttons are on hair-trigger switches? Or is the proper response the one that appeals to me most-- to run and hide in my closet until they both eventually go away? Er...not that I've ever done that, of course....

1. LM: "I passed the next level of math time tests!"

Me: "Awesome!" (And then more skeptically) "You didn't cheat, did you?"

LM: "Yep!"

Me: "But LM, cheating is wrong."

LM: (happy as a clam) "I just love cheating!"

(Don't worry, folks, he has confessed his sins to his teacher who is now keeping an extra eye on his test-taking. It's kinda hard to lead a life of waywardness when you can't manage to lie.... Phew!)

2. Ruby: (looking in a catch-all bin and noticing its newly organized state) "Is Auntie here?"

Me: (in mock offense) "No!"

Ruby: (shocked) "You did this?!"

Me: (meekly) "No.... Auntie was here yesterday...."

(Dang!)

3. The Bopper: "You ever have a naked lady?"

Her Mom: "A what?!"

The Bopper: "A naked lady! Ya ever have one?"

Her Mom: (puzzled).

The Bopper: (grabbing her ukulele) "THIS!"

4. Me: "What happens when you get bigger than me?"

LM: "I don't know.... You ride around on my back?"

(I may just take him up on that offer someday.)

5. Mister: "Ruby, when I grow up, I'm gonna be a big girl like you!"

(Probably didn't help that Ruby had just painted his fingernails pink-- per his request. But I'm thinking next time we'll just steer him toward a nice, manly sword fight with LM instead.)

6. LM: (looking at our dog's drooly jowls) "Ewwwww! What's with this organic's slime?"

(In Transformer world anything non-robotic is referred to as organic.)

7. This next one's from my dad-- and with permission I am reposting it here word for word as emailed to me:

"LM barges into the bathroom while I’m standing there with a towel wrapped around me after getting out of the shower… He looks at my stomach and says, 'Looks like you’ve lost some!' I can’t help but smile, feeling a little redemption after his last comment about my girth a couple months ago. ('Popi, I think you’re a little bit fat…') Then he steps back to get a better look and adds, 'Now you just need to get a little muscle.' (I’m hoping he’s comparing my physique to a Transformer and not the average almost 59 year old grandpa…) But wait, he’s not done… He promptly marches into our closet, looks at Nini’s clothes hanging there and says, 'Hey Nini, did you keep Grandma Bernie’s clothes???'"

(There goes LM, boosting others' egos again!)

For those of you on Spring Break next week-- enjoy! For us it means house projects (and sometimes that translates into blog posts). Wish me luck! :)

If I Had A Hammer....

We have begun some home projects around here. We have about a million of 'em. Mostly just little details that were never finished, or items that have been broken or worn out, nothing too major...yet. But as is usual with projects, one thing leads to another until you've shelled out half your life savings for what you thought was a simple lightbulb change. Our upstairs bathroom sink was cracked, so hubby thought, hey, what a great weekend project! Well, one thing led to another.... We now have a new sink, pedestal, plumbing and a splash guard for the shower. (And two new mini-projects that were spawned by the sink replacement, which are, of course, still unfinished.) Aye, aye, aye. Two steps forward, one step back....

But let's step forward into some quotes, shall we? (Ugh, still struggling with those segues....)

1. LM: (riding in the car, halfway to our destination) "I have to go PEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Hubby: "Don't think about it! Just think about bunnies running in a field instead."

Me: "Can you do it, bud?"

LM: "No! I'm thinking about bunnies peeing!"

2. Hubby: (as I crawled into bed and who, let it be known, remained asleep for this entire interaction) "Take it easy! No need to get wild! You almost kicked me in the balls-- and that's the last thing I need!"

(In my defense, his balls were never in any danger.)

3. Occupational Therapist: (speaking of the annoying music accompanying a software program) "Let's turn the sound on the computer down."

LM: "Thanks! You just gave me my desire!"

Occupational Therapist: (turning to me) "Does he just crack you up at home?"

Me: "Yep."

4. LM: "Mom, who will I look like when I'm older?"

Me: "Like Popi."

LM: "Awesome!"

5. Mister: (when asked by his mother about the huge booger in his hair) "I tried to put it on my knee, but it got my knee dirty, so I put it on my tummy, but it wouldn't stick, so I put it in my hair!"

(And we weren't worried about our hair being dirty? Hmmmm, I'm having trouble tracking with the 2-year old logic here.)

6. The Bopper: (upon seeing a black lady in the drive-thru window) "Look, Mom! She's a African girl! She lives in Africa!"

(A bit sheltered, are we?)

7. LM: (after the girlish screams in the basement-- coming from Ruby and her friend-- had finally ceased) "Let me go see if they're dead yet."

Me: "If they're dead??"

LM: "Yeah, the screaming stopped."

(Oh, of course, I see....)

8. LM: "I had the worst day ever! All because of girls!"

(Get used to it, bud.)

9. The Bopper: (after her brother had said something she clearly found distasteful) "That a stupid thought, Mister. That stupid!"

(I'm posting this one trusting that The Bopper will be safe from any disciplinary repercussions.)

10. LM: (responding to his sister's food aversions) "Ruby, just man-up about mushrooms-- they're tasty!"

(Yeah, Ruby! Man-up!)

Have a great week, everyone!

Quotes And A Soapbox

LM has been providing more than a few awkward moments lately. (Like commenting to a white mother that he found her bi-racial offspring strange, for instance. Oof.) It's been given me great practice for breaking my habit of hovering around while he's speaking with acquaintances or strangers, though. See, I want to be right there if he says something...amiss. You know, so I can explain. But I'm constantly convicted that I should not care so much what people think. (Good advice that's been reiterated by friends who've been there, done that.) After all, we are still a work in progress over here. And frankly, I'm enjoying the process! (The long, long process that may never result in our "arrival".)

1. LM: "Mom, you're beautiful. May the force be with you."

2. LM: "You know what? I don't get 'penis'. I don't even get 'vagina'. I don't get private parts! I don't get any of that stuff!"

Hubby: "You don't need to get it."

(Such a dad thing to say!)

3. The Bopper: (after she found out that in going straight to Kindergarten she will have skipped preschool) "You mean I missed it?!"

(Yep, just kinda slipped right by without our notice, eh?)

4. LM: (after he saw Ruby bump into me he decided to, uh, help) "Ruby! Stay away from Mom's ginormous butt!"

(Thanks a lot, bud. Verrrrry helpful.)

5. Me: (after LM had been a bit rough with me while playing) "Hey! Men need to be gentle with ladies! That's why they're called gentlemen."

LM: "But what do the ladies do for men? Nothing!"

(Oh, I beg to differ, young man.)

6. LM: (holding a candy his sister bought him) "Mom, I'm going to unleash the love of chocolate in my mouth!"

(Whoa, suddenly I really want some chocolate!)

7. LM: (walking in on me as I was getting dressed, all nonchalant-like) "Hey Mom, that's a really nice bra there."

Me: (turning him right around and out) "Thanks...."

(Still working on that whole "knocking" concept. Very tricky.)

8. LM: (as I was pinching his booty while coming up the stairs) "Stop pinching those buns! They're delicate little buns!"

(And irresistible!)

9. LM: "Nini and Popi are bringing a ukulele home from Hawaii!"

M-i-L: (looking at me conspiratorially) "At least it's not another n-i-f-e."

Ruby: (rolling her eyes) "Grandma, you mean k-i-f-e!"

(She caught herself, but not before we busted up laughing.)

10. Me: "LM, what's the best part about being 8?"

LM: "Being older."

Me: "Well, what's the best part about being older?"

LM: "You get more prizelges."

Me: "Like what kind?"

LM: "Oh, like driving the car."

(Hmmm, he's thinking on a much bigger scale than I'm comfortable with.)

Holiday Quotes

Truly, I find it amazing that I have time to throw up any posts at the moment. (Yikes, that didn't come out the way I wanted it to.) But the fact is: the reason I have time is because I'm avoiding the other more important things that I really should be doing instead. Can I get an "amen, sister"?

1. LM: (not wanting me to sit next to him) "Ugh, Mom! I need my personal space!"

(I've discovered my son is rather like a cat-- he's only affectionate when he feels like it, otherwise he has no need for you.)

2. LM: (after having laid a big smooch on my lips, he smiles) "Does that make you want to buy me a new Buzz Lightyear toy?"

(See what I mean? A cat.)

3. LM: (said very formally as I picked him up from school) "Well, hello my good friend!"

4. LM: (playing with his new "pooping Santa" toy-- which I did not buy for him) "Ho-ho-ho! Merrrrrrrrry Christmas! Who wants some poop?"

5. LM: (after I'd informed him that homework comes before TV) "Mom, have you lost your mind? I already worked really hard today!"

6. Ruby Jane: (while setting up our Christmas tree hubby asked her to put the tree skirt on) "Oh, so it's a girl!"

7. Ruby Jane: (to hubby after he dropped a glass ball, shattering it) "Daddy broke an ornament-- what kind of maturity is that?"

(I had just gotten done lecturing the kids on being careful with the ornaments, so they took particular delight in the fact that their father was having the hardest time.)

8. The Bopper: "Carson's still a dog. But what will she be when she grows up?"

(Hmmmm, an older, stinkier, fatter, naughtier dog I suppose.)

9. Ruby Jane: (after I had said something she thought was particularly corny) "Don't worry Mom, someday I'll find a good mental institution for you to live in."

(Not if I commit you first, sweetie!)

10. LM: (singing an impromptu song in my honor) "I love Mom! She's a fine old woman!"

(Ummmm...thank you?)

11. LM: (as our dog was barking her head off at something outside, LM was inspired to get all "Lassie" on us) "What is it, girl?"

Well, I'm now off for a little "chaser" workout after this morning's jog. I'm not a fanatical exerciser or anything, but if you'd seen how much divinity I ate yesterday (curse you, holiday treats! Curse you!) you'd understand why this is so necessary. I'd like to keep my overall holiday weight-gain under 10 pounds, after all.... And if I don't post again before, I'd like to wish you all a wonderful Christmas! (Ahhhh, who am I kidding? I'll post before then.)

A Thousand Words....

He only thought he was going to be able to come home and relax. But 4 children and a dog had other plans. Plans not to prosper him, but to harm him.... Don't kid yourself, though, he's lovin' every second. (Deep, deep, deep, way deep down inside, anyway.) Uh, you're gonna wanna zoom in on this one.

One Ring To Rule Them All!

I turned 33 today. I've been waiting for this one. Really! It's the "Jesus age"-- you know, when he did that little thing called die for the sins of the world. It's also the "Frodo age"-- you know, when he began that little adventure called Lord of the Rings. Hmmm, perhaps that explains why I look like a hobbit now....

Ahhhh, three, the perfect number-- and I now have two of 'em in a row! Can you see why I'm so stinkin' excited?? Dang, this is gonna be a good year. Now if I can only get control of this hair....

1. LM: "Anna still eats at McDonald's even though I told her it makes her fat. I don't get it!"

(Wow. I simply cannot imagine why she isn't listening to you. You did emphasize the word fat, right? Yikes....)

2. LM: (fessing up to his sister that he was joking with her) "I'm just pulling your leg off!"

3. LM: "Mom, Anna's just a sour-puss-- 'cause she's sour and she's pussy."

(Ohhhhhh myyyyy goooooodnesssss.)

4. LM: (quoting a "Bible verse") "Just be kind to others and me. Give others a chance and do their bidding. PCP 3:0."

(This is what happens when people who cannot read try to instruct.)

5. The Bopper: (feeling her Adam's apple) "Hey, is that Jesus in there?"

(For sure, sweetie! Every now and then he gets bored in your heart, so he travels up your esophagus for a fun little vacation.)

6. LM: (upon seeing my new 'do) "It's a little hideous, but I kind of like it."

(Still working on that mind-to-mouth filter thing....)

7. LM: (later on that evening, singing an impromptu birthday tune for me) "Her name is Nona! And even though her hair is curly now, she's...still beautiful...."

(Just so you know, it was clear as he was singing that "beautiful" was not the first word that came to his mind-- but it was wisely added at the last second. He's learning!)

Well, I'm off to bed! And tomorrow, Sam, Merry, Pippin and I are going to head off toward Mordor-- I've got this ring, see....

Video Du Jour

I have a video quote (of sorts) to share this time. In it you will notice a few things-- one of which is the fact that I find my son hilarious when really I should be correcting him. You might also notice that LM finds the image of himself (which he can see while I'm recording him) quite distracting.

I'm gonna have to do some research to find out what the Bible says about archenemies, 'cause I don't have an answer for that one. As usual, LM's mind is operating on a more profound level than mine.

On to the "regular" quotes:

1. LM: (commenting on hubby's breath) "Ewwwww! That smells disgusting!"

Hubby: "I'm not feelin' a lot of love right now."

LM: "Saying 'ewwww!' isn't loving? I don't get it."

(We know son, we know....)

2. Ruby: (trying to assist her littlest cousin in the bathroom) "Mister, are you pretending to go potty?"

Mister: "Yeah. I preten'n to go potty. Wanna see my butt? Wanna see my butt?!"

Ruby: "Ummmm, no thanks."

(Boys.... Do they ever tire of showing us their favorite parts? Ever?)

3. Hubby: (seeing our daughter looking all comfy-cozy) "I'm gonna take Ruby's book page and get into my bathrobe."

(Or, would you be "taking a page from her book" rather? I'd say skip the bathrobe and go straight to bed, babe.)

4. LM: "Mom, you rock!"

Me: "Ah, thanks, bud!"

LM: "You could rock a guitar! You could rock it anywhere!"

(Sometimes LM gets his metaphors a little too on the literal side.)

5. Me: (with Mister on my lap waving a pair of toy scissors in front of my face) "I'm scared!"

The Bopper: "Don't be scared! Trust in the Lord with all your heart!"

Me: "Okay!" (Mister then proceeds to pinch my face-- hard-- in between the scissors.)

Me: "OW! Bopper, I trusted in the Lord but still got hurt. Now what?"

The Bopper: (thinking a moment) "Make Mister get off-- just go give him to my mom."

Me: (removing the tike from my lap) "Good idea."

(As usual, I enjoy dissecting the profundity of kids' answers. And I came up with this: trust God always, but don't let that stop you from removing the wild kid with scissors from your lap before he attacks your face.)

6. LM: (looking in the mirror after I had unsuccessfully attempted to tame his morning hair) "Looks sexy!"

(Yikes.)

7. LM: (after telling me that one of his classmates informed him their school is haunted) "Looks like I have a mystery on my hands!"

(Indeed.)

8. LM: (upon seeing my grandma and uncle who were visiting from out of town) "Did you bring us something?"

Me: (slightly horrified) "If they didn't that would be okay-- because you're happy to see them whether they bring you something or not, right?"

LM: (looking back to my grandma) "Yeah." (Pause.) "But did you?"

(As a matter of fact, she did!)

Enjoy the rest of your weekend, all! :)

Quotables

Whew-- it was a wild one last week! I haven't posted for a few reasons-- I've been gone, and I've been an angry person. But it's amazing how quickly anger dissipates when you write it all down in a scolding letter and send it off to the one(s) who wronged you. :) Ahhhhh, I feel so much better! The situation hasn't quite become funny yet (hysterical, yes-- but not in a good way), but when I reach that point you can be sure you'll read about it here first! In the meantime, I have quotes....

1. M-i-L: (walking into the bathroom) "Who was in here last? The water's running, they didn't flush the toilet-- and it's POOP!"

LM: "My bad!"

2. LM: (talking about a toy he'd ordered online and was anxiously awaiting) "I freakin' want it today!"

(Ummmm.... Okay, hubby, you were right-- I guess I do say "freakin'" too much....)

3. LM: (to the mailman) "Kind sir, do you have a package in there?"

(I don't know where he got it, but he's been addressing men he doesn't know as "kind sir" lately.)

4. Me: (in my cheery auntie voice) "Bopper, don't touch the TV screen, sweetie."

The Bopper: "But I didn't learn that yet!"

Me: "Well, now you learned it!"

The Bopper: (sadly) "No, I didn't."

(I guess aunties aren't quite as effective teachers as mothers are.)

5. LM: "Mom, you know Auntie T's last name? It's kinda a nickname for boobs."

(Or, as T puts it, "boobs are kinda a nickname for my last name." I'm not sure who's right, though.)

6. LM: "You know the best part of incorporated? Corporated!"

(Uhhhh.... Wha'?)

7. LM: (after we'd been teasing hubby for being a dork-- which is a good thing in our family) "Mom, next time just marry somebody else."

Me: "Like who?"

LM: "Mr. Craig."

(I gotta say, though, I'm having a pretty hard time believing that Mr. Craig isn't a dork as well. Perhaps his wife can verify?)

8. Ruby Jane: "Mom, can you read to us now?"

Me: "No, because you guys didn't obey-- that was the deal."

Ruby: "But I obeyed eventually!"

(I'm thinking there are some profound spiritual revelations in there. Brain. Is. Trying. Hard. To. Grasp. Them! Ugh...it's no use....)

Sheesh-- I thought I had more than that, but I must not have written them all down. Oh well, there's always more where those came from!

A Move To Remember

A couple words to describe the 4 day, 36-mile Glacier hike the men folk recently returned from: exhausting, draining, challenging.... And I'm not describing the men's experience, by the way. I'm talking about all of us ladies who had to stay home and care for the young'ns while they were gone. A description of a simple walk around the block with all four children will provide a suitable analogy to our entire 4 day experience, I believe.

First of all, just getting out the door had its own array of problems. From going on an all-out manhunt for lost shoes and then forcing a reluctant walker out the door, to explaining to the tween in the group that the reason she didn't get to take ice cream along (like the other 3 children) was that she chose pie earlier instead. (Sometimes basic logic that, on the surface, seems abundantly clear is easily corrupted in the complex brains of adolescent first-born girls-- I won't name any names specifically.) But eventually we all got outside-- which, in my humble opinion, is the best place to start a walk.

Once outside, we began to move. Now, please don't mistake the verb "move" for "walk". We were doing no such thing. In fact, I'm not sure what exactly we were doing, but it closely resembled some sort of interpretive dance. There were children romping around all over the place, and trying to get them to form a cohesive walking unit was like trying to organize a litter of kittens. (Ever tried to herd cats? There's a reason you never hear stories of lonely shepherd boys with their flock of felines.) But eventually we were able to guide the movement in one general direction.

Of course, the minute the children saw a big excavator (I can't believe I just spelled that right on the first try-- yay me!) moving earth a block away, they made a beeline right for it. And on the way, Mister managed to drool most of his fudgesicle down the front of his naked belly (my sister had wisely stripped him for such an eventuality). Ah, but I haven't adequately described the fudgesicle carnage here. Ever seen horror movie covers at the video store? You know, the kind where blood is dripping rivulets down the body of some hapless victim? (Now there's something for you to dream about tonight!) Well, Mister looked remarkably like a character from one of those movies. It was almost embarrassing to be within 20-feet of him, actually. That, and the fact that he played in whatever dirt he could manage to escape into when his mother lost hold of him-- well, let's just say that mess doesn't even begin to describe it.

When the children's excavator curiosity was adequately satiated, we once again began our slight "movement" down the street. We'd lose a kid here or there in a construction site (one of the many in my parents' neighborhood), have to manage my very obnoxious dog (who feels as though the mere sight of another animal is cause for foaming at the mouth), console crying children (I can't even remember about what) and sometimes have to stop to admire somebody's lawnmower (don't ask). But eventually we made it around one entire block! It was a feat to be admired-- and it only took about a half hour! Not even joking. Wish I was, but I'm not.

So, who was more worn out after their 4 day excursion? I think it might be a toss-up.

Busting Patooty

This weekend my older sister and I gathered up our troops and headed off to Nini and Popi's house for an overnighter. Spending the night with The Bopper and Mister is 1 part pure joyful entertainment, and 1 part utterly exhausting. Especially when Mister decides that getting up at the butt-crack-o-dawn is a great idea. He came toddling into my room bellowing a hearty "hi!" with my sister following close behind. Sis then decided to join me in the twin bed I was trying so desperately to remain asleep in. Well, good morning to all! And for all that, you'd think I'd have at least one quote of theirs to share with you. Alas....

1. LM: (upon seeing a police officer parked out in front of our house, he runs out the door to say hello-- and the dog goes with him, barking her head off as the man rolls down his window) "Carson, stop barking or else you'll get arrested!"

2. Hubby: (getting frantic about being late to soccer) "Guys, we need to bust ass to the car!"

LM: "Okay, Dad, we promise we'll bust our asses to the car."

Ruby: (shocked)

Me: (shocked)

Hubby: "Don't repeat that!"

(I'm still waiting for his teacher to inform me that LM suggested the class "bust ass" to P.E. or something like that, but so far it looks like he took his daddy's good advice.)

3. LM: (breathing deeply the steamy fumes of the dishwasher) "Oh, that just fills me with delight!"

4. LM: "Guys, whoever wrote our Bible-- they were really good."

5. LM: (giving me a hug and sneaking a peek down my shirt) "Ooooo, boobs!"

(Yikes.)

6. Me: (listening to LM's loud grunts from the bathroom) "Havin' a good poop in there?"

LM: "Come and see!"

Me: "Uh...no thanks."

LM: "Come on, Mom-- you'll love it! It looks like a turd monster!"

(Double yikes.)

7. LM: "Mom, do you think girls are kinda wimps?"

(Well, are we talking about pain tolerance or brute strength here? Because I have a different answer depending....)

8. Me: (yelling at LM who began distractedly wandering into his sister's soccer game) "LM! Get off the field!"

LM: (startled and then a bit embarrassed) "Geez, Mom! Are you NUTS? You almost made me break my toy!"

9. LM: "Hey, Auna, it's like a man-eating lion is in your face and then he says, 'I'm Voltron! Pewpewpewpew!' Hey, did you know McDonalds is fat?"

(I'm not sure if she was trackin' with him through all that or not.)

10. Ruby Jane: (pondering our dog) "Why is Carson's skin black?"

Me: "Because she's African-American."

Ruby: "Really!?"

Me: "Um...no."

Well, I'd better get this posted before all this crazy wind knocks our power out! It's quite intense. (I think we have a piece of somebody's siding in our yard. I'm waiting for hubby to come and rescue it.)