Reflections....

Most of you know by now that hubby's dad passed away last week after having suffered a massive heart attack. Although he was an older gentleman, it was still quite a shock. We always thought of him as a tough old bird (think Clint Eastwood) even when rheumatoid arthritis began to ravage his joints and he got a dose of the gimpies. But heart problems? Not even on the radar.

Seeing my husband lose a parent; hard. But death has a way of making you reassess life. What's important, what's not, what's right, what's wrong.... And I've decided to make a deliberate recalibration of my values, because while looking at life through death's eyes, I saw some characteristics in me that needed changing. I've been getting too caught up in desires that don't matter; the size of my house and the furnishings in it, gadgets and newfangled devices I'd like to own, losing weight and fantasizing about various plastic surgeries that could propel me toward that end, moving up in the world, insecurities, anxiety, pride, envy, I could go on but I've embarrassed myself enough.... But all of a sudden, that stuff seems so petty. So worldly. So...far from who I want to be.

If I were to die tomorrow, would a tummy tuck be considered amongst my greatest achievements? Will getting in the last zinger of an argument win me favor with my Maker? What if I never look as cute as you do in jeans and despise you for it-- will that enhance our friendship? Will I get to Heaven and think, "geez, my only regret is not having a house as big as The Jones's"? Somehow, I think not....

So, if anyone's interested, here's what I came up with to combat, well...me. It's the renewed order of my values:

A. God.

B. People.

Pretty simple, really, but I need simple because I'm just not wired to handle complicated for more than a few seconds.

A no fail plan? Ha! Please! Any plan where I am the primary player is bound to stutter and sputter along, like a student driver working a manual transmission for the first time. It's gonna be a bumpy ride!

But I've been reminded that death can arrive at any time for any of us (not trying to be morbid here, just tellin' the truth), and when it comes for me, I don't want to be caught feverishly pursuing desires that are contrary to A and B. It's not about the things themselves, mind you, it's about my motivation. My priorities. My heart.

'Cause hey, if a surgeon ever offers me complimentary liposuction, a university begs hubby to come on staff so they can pay him a hundred grand a year, we can afford a nicer home in a great neighborhood with stellar schools, etc, I will accept that as God's generous blessing! Thank you, Jesus! And if I never reach the level of attractiveness our society deems worthy (and it seems less and less likely with every year I get older), hubby gets fired, and our home is flooded without our having the appropriate insurance coverage, I will accept that as well (albeit less graciously, I s'pose).

In the meantime, however, as life goes along the way it does; the good and the bad all mixed in together, it is my intention to pursue loving God and people first and foremost. Everything else is just...everything else. Because at the end of my life, only one thing will matter, and that is hearing these words: "Well done, good and faithful servant." (With or without a tummy tuck.)