Sign Here, Please

My son was invited to his very first "real" birthday party today. He is beyond excited! Me? Well, I have some apprehension about it, actually. 'Cause, well, the invitation included a liability waiver. Yep, you read that right: a liability waiver. That's a first for me.

So, I'm kinda wondering-- what in the heck is that all about? I know there's gonna be a jumping castle, but sheesh, how many kids get mortally wounded by bouncing on something inflated with air? Dangerous stuff, that air....

Reminds me of what I notice while walking around his school. Basically there are a bunch of women whose job it is to repeat one phrase over and over: "no running!" Heaven forbid that kids should run! Especially outside where they might trip and fall in the grass. They might get a really nasty grass stain that is beyond the laundering ability of their mothers or something. I'm assuming they're allowed to run in P.E., because I just can't imagine what that class would be like otherwise.

"Johnny! You're walking a little too fast to the soccer ball there-- it's looking very similar to running if you ask me. Let's slow it down a little, okay?"

But back to the birthday party. I think I like the idea of this liability waiver stuff. In fact, I just might plan LM's next party at a firing range. I'll just include a fun liability waiver in there, arm each kiddo with a rifle, and let 'em have at it! Or maybe I'll drive the gang out to a remote wooded area and let 'em loose with a book of matches, a package of ramen, some rope and a tarp. See you tomorrow morning, kids! Nothing a little ol' liability waiver won't take care of!

Heck, let's not stop there! The next time I invite someone over for dinner, perhaps I'll include a liability waiver before we actually sit down to eat. "I will not hold Nona Yerbiznus responsible for any gastrointestinal distress this meal may cause me; whether that be in the form of vomit, diarrhea, constipation, gas, heartburn, nausea, or an act of God." (You always gotta include the "act of God" part to cover your fanny completely.) Maybe I'll even carry a liability waiver around with me for general social purposes. Before I begin a conversation with a friend I'll have them sign a paper that will not hold me liable for misinformation, questionable content, boring contributions or awkward silences.

Oh, yeah. I'm thinking that liability waivers could be the answer to a lot of my problems....

In the meantime, I have to RSVP to this party. I have to sign all responsibility of my son's well-being away and then send him off into the dangerous world of jumping castles. I can only pray that he won't hit his humongous head on any of the inflated surfaces. And for Pete's sake-- no running!!