An Unwelcome Pattern

As I was reading through my list of quotes (which has been building up for a few weeks) I noticed a sort of theme. My kids have kinda been stinkers lately! (Am I allowed to say that??) I mean, I love 'em to death, but they've definitely been giving me a run for my money. And there's only, like, 1000 days of summer left. Oh my....

1. LM: "Hey, enemy! I have a friend for you to meet!"

(I think the little guy may be on to something there!)

2. Ruby: "Mom, let's measure." (Proceeds to stand back-to-back with me.) "I'm almost as tall as you! Now let's see if I'm as fat." (Proceeds to try and measure her girth against mine. Nice....)

3. Ruby: "Uh, Mom, your teeth are blue! No, wait.... They're yellow."

(Um, either way....)

4. Ruby: "Mom! I seriously think there's something wrong with LM. His poop smells SO bad!"

LM: (from the bathroom) "For Pete's sake, Ruby! A man's poop is supposed to smell bad!"

(Count that as one of my new all-time favorite quotes!)

5. Kids' Song: "...she puts TLC in every pie!"

LM: "Mom, is TLC good for you?"

6. Me: (addressing the fact that my children have been at each other's throats lately) "Guys! Remember, we're supposed to build each other up, not tear each other down."

Kids: (still arguing, but apparently listening).

LM: "Mom! Ruby's tearing me down!"

7. Ruby: "LM, show me your angry eyebrows."

LM: (scrunches up his eyebrows into a great mad face.)

Ruby: "Wow! Pretty good!"

LM: "Yeah, they're my best angry eyebrows yet!"

(I am so glad he's practicing this valuable skill.)

8. Ruby: "Mom! LM said he hated me-- and now he's trying to 'cute' out of it!"

9. Me: "LM, have you brushed your teeth yet?"

LM: "No, but I'm really close to doing it."

10. Me (in a public place): "LM, it's time to go!"

LM: (ignoring me as only he knows how).

Me: "LM, I need you to obey right now, please."

LM: (trying a new tactic) "Mom, if you don't let me play with these toys, I'll cry and everyone will look!"

(Wow. Rest assured I won that battle, but it wasn't pretty.)

11. LM: (looking at the woman in the car next to us) "Whoa-- she's hot!"

(The lady, by the way, was a fifty-ish woman with chin-length gray hair. Cougar-city!)

12. LM: (talking about what he said to a friend after watching her break a toy) "I was like, 'What in the heck-- are you insane?'"

Yeah, it's true I cringe rather than giggle at many of those, but I'm hoping that the rest of you can find some amusement amidst my pain. That's right, yuck it up! After all, most of you have either been at this stage already, or will be arriving very soon. Then it will be my turn to laugh! Wahhahhahhhaaaahahaaaa!