If A Woodchuck Could Chuck Wood

I'm so glad I wasn't there for this one.... Hubby came home the other day and told me that he'd run into a former student's dad. This particular gentleman has been blessed with a generous portion of upper teeth-- and apparently LM noticed. So, naturally, LM asked the man if he was perchance a woodchuck. Oh, boy.... And if that wasn't bad enough, he proceeded to wonder aloud if the man had the ability to gnaw through wood. Ah, but there's more! LM then produced a fine piece of bark for the man to attempt his woodchucking skills on. I wondered how hubby had allowed it to get that far. Usually you can see LM's wheels spinning before he actually takes off, but hubby must have been too flabbergasted to stop the momentum that was clearly in full force. I can only hope that this man's sense of humor and graciousness are as large as his teeth.

Well, that one will make the following quotes seem quite tame, I'll bet.

1. LM: (on our way to the lake) "Getting to the lake is a piece of cake!"

Hubby: "Well, sometimes it's not...."

LM: "Yeah-- if you're a dunderhead!"

2. LM: (crying) "Mommy, Daddy's forcing me to eat pancakes-- and he won't let me eat nothin' else! That's no way to treat a kid!"

(Somebody call CPS!)

3. LM: (running into the bathroom before I could cover myself up after showering) "Mom, you look like an old Transformer grandpa."

(Sheesh, not even a grandma??)

4. LM: (talking to Ruby) "If you don't kiss Mom, she'll hit you a lot."

Me: "What?!"

(FYI: hitting is reserved for when the kids annoy me, not when they don't kiss me.)

5. Ruby: "How come in soap operas there's only 2 people and they stay in one room and argue for 2 hours?"

Hubby: "Where have you been watching soap operas?!"

Ruby: "Well, I don't.... But Grandpa does-- and I couldn't help but see a little bit."

(Hmmmm-- she has a point.... And just to clarify, she wasn't talking about my dad.)

6. LM: (sitting down to our dinner of pizza and buffalo wings) "Hey, this is just like a tea party!"

(Sure, maybe a "man tea party" or something.)

7. LM: (looking up into my nose) "Mom, did you know you have a hairy snout?"

(Well, it's better than being accused of having woodchuck teeth, I suppose.)

8. LM: (proclaiming loudly after having used a public bathroom) "I'm never going in there again! It's smells like rotten bacon and eggs-- I think I'm gonna throw-up!"

(Tell me how you really feel, LM.)

So, can I just reiterate that you speak to my son at your own risk?