Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Hello? Is Anyone There?

Okay, so it's been a while since I've posted.  I can explain....  Actually, it's due to several factors, but the most serious one, the one I'd like to discuss today, is a deep sickness that has affected three-quarters of our household (and countless other households, I'm sure).  I know I'm striking rather a somber tone as opposed to my usual posts, but this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed.  No more skeletons in the closet!  And there's really no other way to begin than to just name the affliction and go from there:

Webkinz Addiction.  Yes, there are three of us living under this roof who are suffering from this disease (and here's a hint: hubby is NOT one of them).  And for those of you who have never heard of "Webkinz" (in all due respect, are you living under a rock?), perhaps the less I say the better.  You see, it sounds like fun and then, WHAM, you're sucked hopelessly into this digital world of pure evil.  I admit, I need help.  Probably professional.  Like, extra professional help.  Here I am, a 31-year old woman, and all I can think about most of the day is when I can log back onto my daughter's Webkinz World account and earn some more Kinzcash!

It started out innocently enough.  Don't most addictions?  You're curious, you think there's no harm in "trying" something, you don't doubt your capacity to stop whenever you want.  But then, before you know it, you're dreaming about the next time you can play Bathtub Battles, and wondering if there is a refrigerator you can afford to put into the kitchen you just purchased and decorated in a color scheme that didn't quite turn out how you intended but is growing on you nonetheless.  Isn't that how it always ends??  In pain!  In hopelessness!  Because there's never enough Kinzcash to buy all the things your digital pet needs!

Let me back up.  Some of you are not familiar with Webkinz.  It's just as well.  But let me give you a brief crash-course.  A Webkinz is a cute, plush stuffed animal that seems innocent enough until you log online to "adopt" it using the special code attached to its collar.  Well, it starts with adoption, but then you discover your pet has a digital other-self that has a home online.  A home you can expand, decorate, and fill with furniture.  But that's not all.  Your Webkinz can earn Kinzcash by playing arcade games, becoming "employed", winning tournaments, finding and selling gems...the options are virtually endless (pun intended).  Of course, your pet needs to eat, and so you buy it food.  Your pet needs baths, so you buy a bathtub.  Your pet needs to visit the doctor and you find out its health is lacking, so you buy it vitamins.  Your pet is bored, so you buy it a TV.  Your pet is naked, so you buy it clothes.  And it never ends!  Webkinz require more care than your average living child!

To give you a little insight into what exacerbates this problem for me, I'd like to share the results of a little test I just took.  It's called "Discovering Your Dark Side".  Oooooo-- so ominous sounding.  Well, I discovered my dark side-- and it has several facets to it.  But without revealing the full extent of my extreme disfunction, I will tell you that my top "dark" factor is compulsiveness.  So, I feel I deserve your sympathy, not judgement, with this whole Webkinz addiction thing.  I am compelled to take care of this idiot Webkinz because how can I let a little animal, even a digital one, starve?  I can't!  I can't!  I can't!

My hope lies in the fact that the subscription lasts only a year.  So, I only have approximately 11 more months to exist in this living hell.  And then, you can be sure, I will never allow another Webkinz to darken our door.  Any gifts of Webkinz will be immediately donated to...YOU.  Yeah, how about that?  We'll see how YOU like it!  

Sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you like that.  It's just that...well, it's just that I haven't felt like myself lately.  I think I would feel a little better if I could earn about $500 Kinzcash and buy some outdoor furniture for the Webkinz' backyard.  You see, she can't really entertain at present-- there isn't much seating out there.  Yes, that's a good idea.  Just for 10 minutes.  I can stop after 10 minutes-- really.  Hey, I'm feeling better already!  I love everyone!

3 comments:

  1. So what you're saying is that I don't want to actually log on and register the million Webkinz toys that Gabi has received over the last couple of years? And what you're REALLY saying is that you don't want them either?

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  2. Hmmmm.. maybe you shouldn't get a facebook page.

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  3. ummm...I hate to break it to you but that 1 year time limit has passed on Lindsey's webkinz...and it hasn't asked for more money...and she keeps tending her pet.
    SP

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