Ode To Hair (Part 1)

I really don't know why I do it-- the annual hair show, that is. It's a big pain in the patooshky simply for a free cut and color. It's just really hard to resist free, know what I mean? But what I'd really like to do right now is take a moment to say goodbye to my boob-length hair (which is getting shorn off tomorrow). Do you know how long it takes to grow hair down to your ninnies? Years. Years! Do you know how long it takes to remove said hair? Minutes. Minutes! So here is an ode to my hair, a final adieu to a dear friend.

Oh, my hair. My hair. Long, long hair.

Long, long, longy hair.

I admit you were lookin' a little Lindsay Lohan-ish.

I mean, who grows their hair down to their bosom anymore?

Only celebrities of questionable taste, that's who.

Well, no more!

Chop it off. Chop, chop, choppy floppy!

Maybe then hubby will stop rolling on you at night.

That stinkin' hurts, hubby!

Well, just try rolling on chin-length hair. Just try it, hubby!

You can't! Ha!

But, my hair. My long, long hair.

Why did they go and dye you the color of mud?

And why did they spend hours getting you to just the right muddy hue, only to decide to chop you off to my ears? Why, why, why?

It sucks having to lean back in those torturous rinsing sinks, especially when you have a fractured rib (I swear it is!!) from all the coughing you've done in the last 2 weeks.

Mean, mean fickle hair designers.

What a bunch of meanie-weanies!

So goodbye, my hair.

Thanks for all the good times we've had.

Like when I put you up in a messy bun. Every. Single. Day.

Because I don't actually know how to do hair.

I'm 31-years old, for Pete's sake!

Anything I ever knew about style is long gone with my 20s.

So it's just as well you go, dear hair.

But we have this one last night together.

One last night for you to end up in a sticky spit-wad come morning.

Yes, dear hair, it's time for you to go.

I'm SO going to regret posting this lame poem tomorrow.... Oh well, you all know what a nerd I am already. No sense pretending otherwise.