Ode To Hair (Part 2)

Okay, so here's the deal; they didn't cut one teeny-weeny bit off my ridiculously long hair at the hair show today. I walked into the show room this morning and was told, "remember what we said about cutting all your hair off and donating it to Locks of Love? Well, we're not going to do that anymore. We're leaving it long. But we'll put some really fun layers in it." Fine. I was a little freaked out about losing over a foot of hair in one fell swoop anyway. It's better to do these things gradually, right? But, through the course of the morning everyone got busy and guess who was forgotten? That's right; me.

So I didn't even get so much as a trim. What I did get was pee-pee hair. And maybe pee-pee face, too. What? What did I just say? Oh, you heard me. Pee-pee. You see, after my part in the show (which involved the Redken colorist painting conditioner on my hair to simulate a highlighting technique) I was whisked away to a bathroom to get the conditioner removed and my hair restyled. Well, one of the stylists working on my hair decided she needed to wee in front of us, because apparently she couldn't be bothered to find one of the many other hotel bathrooms. So we averted our gazes as she tinkled away. When she was done, she went directly to her post at my hair and started running her little fingers all through it. Ummmmm...? Are you really touching my hair with your pee-pee hands? And did you really do my make-up this morning, too? I thought back to every part of my body she'd touched that day and I just barely avoided the urge to hurl.

So, not only do I have long, dark hair (just in time for my Elvira Halloween costume!), I have a special pee-pee styling product in it as well. Wonderful. Just wonderful! I can't get enough of salon divas running their unwashed hands through my hair. Oh, and making comments like, "you have enough hair for 12 villages" and "take a look at Rapunzel!" and sweet little sentiments like that. It's awesome.

But my favorite part of the whole ordeal was being made to wear clothes that only a twenty-year old should attempt to cram themselves into. I mean, I've had two babies and there are certain aspects of my body that should remain a mystery to everyone but my husband and my doctor, ya know? But today I found myself wearing a dress so short my panties showed when I sat down. Yes, this 31-year old mama was showing her goods off to a room full of hair stylists-- I'm sure they all appreciated the view. I know I enjoy getting an eye-full of someone's granny panties. I just can't get enough, in fact!

And do you think I'll sign-up for this again next year? Heck yes I will! Did I say anything that might imply the experience isn't worth it or something? What blog post were you reading anyway?