Call For Your Free Trial!

We have invented a new method for tooth extraction over here and are looking for some customers who might be interested. In fact, the method is so effective-- the tooth doesn't even need to be loose before the procedure! I am so confident that we can remove your child's unneeded teeth that I'm willing to guarantee your full satisfaction-- or your money back! But, wait, there's more: not only can we remove your child's teeth (as many as you'd like), we will provide the ice and paper towels for the aftermath as well!

It works like this (and I'm speaking from experience here-- my kids tried it just this morning!): first, my daughter will distract your child by suggesting they play-fight. Then, when your son or daughter least expects it, Ruby will "accidentally" deliver a powerful right hook in the general vicinity of your kid's mouth. (While we cannot guarantee that the tooth you were hoping to remove will be the one that is hit-- we can assure you that we will keep trying until the job is done!) Anyway, one (or more) of your child's teeth will then be loosened and/or removed, after which we will quickly distribute the ice and paper towels to numb the area and soak up all of the ensuing blood and tears.

The only part we don't quite have figured out is how to not cut up Ruby's knuckles in the process. Teeth are sharp, see. Hmmmmm.... Brass knuckles! Now there's an idea!

Anyway, my kids are looking to earn a little extra money this summer, so give us a call if you want in on this gig. LM can attest to the effectiveness, and Ruby is more than happy to keep delivering walloping blows.