Divalicious

I help out in LM's class once a week. Usually his teacher has me making copies, filing homework into take-home folders, creating charts and posters-- you know, your average busy work. But yesterday his teacher had a substitute, and this gal wasn't exactly sure what to do with me. So I suggested I help a group of kids who were struggling to finish their writing assignment. (I admit the fact my son happened to be in that group biased my decision greatly. So sue me.) The sub seemed relieved to be freed up to concentrate on the rest of the class, so off I went.

Now, you all know I have a daughter-- so I'm not unaware of what little girls are like. But, jimmeny crickets, the girls in this group were a piece of work! My hats off to all the public school teachers (and private, for that matter) who so lovingly help these children navigate childhood. Here, let me relay a snippet of their conversation to you. It's not an exact replication, mind you, but it's dang close.

Me: "Why don't you girls get started? Do you need some help reading the first question?"

Girl 1: "Can I move seats?"

Me: "What for?"

Girl 1: (pointing to Girl 2) "She's my enemy."

Me: "What? That's silly! Why?" (My mistake-- never ask these types of questions to 7-year old girls.)

Girl 1: "Well, because she's Girl 3's enemy. So I can't be friends with her either."

(Girl 3 nods vigorously.)

Me: "Listen, isn't it better to get along? Why don't all three of you decide to be friends instead of enemies? You'd have a lot more fun!"

(Meanwhile, the boys in the group have their heads down, busy at work-- probably trying to stay out of the crossfire. I'm feeling sheepish for even engaging in this silliness, but there's no turning back now!)

Girls 1, 2 and 3 think. Girl 1 comes up with a plan.

Girl 1: (to Girl 2) "You can be my friend in the morning! And Girl 3 can be my friend in the afternoon and on the bus!"

All 3 girls giggle in delight at this mortifying solution. At this point, I decide to abandon the group therapy session in favor of working.

Me: (redirect!) "What have you written down for the first question?"

Girl 1: "I worked it out with Girl 2! We're not enemies anymore!"

Me: (tired of this nonsense) "Great! Read the first question!"

Girl 1: (to Girl 3, whose "friend time" it currently was) "You'd better come over and write with me! It's your time to be with me, after all-- so you should use it wisely." (Yes, this is a fairly direct quote.)

Me: (persistent, yet powerless) "Question one, ladies! What is your answer?!"

Girls 1, 2 and 3: (giggling and talking amongst themselves).

Me: (deciding that social harmony has its place in the educational setting, thus abandoning the girls to themselves and instead moving on to help the boys, who have no interest in this drama).

Sheesh. I think the next time I volunteer, I will happily make my copies and do my filing. There is no drama in paper, after all. Thank goodness....