Cruise Or Bust!

Our family just returned from a lovely 7 day Alaskan cruise. And when I say family, I mean parents, grandparents, siblings-- let me tell ya, we were not an easy bunch to accommodate at dinnertime. It's a bit depressing coming home, however. I mean, a cruise is a mommy's dream come true! And as I was thinking about why it's so hard to adjust back into real life, I came up with 10 reasons. So without further adieu....

1. I am currently without a good steward. Nobody made my bed or placed fresh towels in my bathroom for me this morning, and that truly bummed me out. If this is a position you'd be interested in filling, please let me know!

2. There is no breakfast or lunch buffet at my house, and if there was one, I'd be responsible to prepare all the food and then clean up afterwards. And frankly, that sort of defeats the whole purpose. Besides, without a "washy, washy, happy, happy, smiley, smiley" girl standing at the entrance ready to sanitize my hands before eating, I just don't think I could enjoy myself.

3. Since returning, I have yet to be given an activity schedule informing me of all the fun and free entertainment that's available all day long. I mean, I have a TV and all, but once you've seen the live version of "Dancing with the Stars" (and your sister and brother-in-law were two of the contestants) somehow TV just doesn't cut it anymore....

4. If I go out to eat, I will now have to pay for the meal. No more ordering appetizers, multiple entrees just to try 'em, or as many desserts as I can toss back before the kids become restless and want to leave (sheesh, let me finish my coconut souffle!). And, heck, speaking of the kids, they are so relegated back to the kids' menu from now on (where steak and lobster are not even an option).

5. I'm no longer within a minute's walking distance to multiple family members. I now actually have to get in my car and drive to their houses if I want to see them. That hasn't happened yet, by the way-- it's just too much work!

6. There is no chocolaholic's bar anywhere in sight. None! Of course, this could actually be an advantage seeing as I now have several extra pounds to lose.... (Probably due in part to the dessert buffet....) Yeah, I don't think having access to sweets 24/7 would benefit my current weight-loss goals at all really.

7. I probably won't see Ruby Jane in a dress again until prom night. But, hey, I may just institute a "formal night" at home every once in a while! Because doesn't food taste even better when you're all gussied up?

8. My town isn't nearly as charming as Juneau, Skagway, Ketchican or Victoria are. I can't just meander down the boarded sidewalks and pet horses I see along the way. Our sidewalks are made of dumb ol' concrete, and if I want to pet a horse, I'd have to drive out to the country and pay for the privilege.

9. I, like, have to work, volunteer, and take care of a house again. Amazing how fast you can get used to not having to do a darn thing all day. Want to head up to the lounge to watch a friendly game of Who Wants to Be a Gazillionaire? Go ahead! How about take a dip in a jacuzzi while drifting by snowcapped mountains? Do it! Feel like a midnight snack? There's always a restaurant open! Head out dancing at 11:00? Simply call your mom to come and watch the kiddos-- she's just down the hall (as is the nightclub)! Or take a jog on a treadmill while looking out at sea-- and you don't even have to set an incline because the boat rocks so much it inclines and declines for you about every 10 seconds. Spontaneous game of Farkle? Meet me in the game room in one minute! Gone! All of it's gone! I'm, gasp, a responsible adult again!

10. My kids are bored now. The sports court at my house is called the "backyard", and apparently since there are dog poop land mines to avoid, not to mention no ocean view, the appeal just isn't there. No kids' crew, either. I tried to send the kiddos to their rooms today saying, "go see what's happening at the kids' club!" but they weren't buying it. I guess it's just not the same without an activities director to entertain them....

Actually, I came up with a much longer list, but you get the gist....

You know, though, it's just as well that these things come to an end. I mean, how much would I weigh if I lived on a cruise ship all the time?! I shudder to think. Besides, now I have happy memories, and perhaps something to look forward to in the future. 'Cause, um, we're doing this again, right? Right?

Flasher

You know you've become one of the mature crowd when you bring home the top you bought in the junior's department and notice the tag on it reads "dress". The thing hardly covers my ample backside. This, my friends, is why people like me are supposed to stay out of the junior's department. From now on, I'll stick with the misses' section, where tops that hit me at my hips are meant to be worn with pants underneath. Lesson learned.

Bowling Ball Head

In my defense, LM had originally requested to go bald-- but we compromised.... I'm beginning to second guess my "you're in charge of your own hairstyle" policy, though. Ah, what the heck, hair grows, right? (Although I have a feeling the aunties will have something to say about this one....)

No, No, After YOU

Regardless of whatever road rules might normally apply, when a man in a motorized wheelchair comes blazing out of Lighthouse for the Blind's parking lot, you stinkin' get out of his way-- 'cause he pretty much owns that street (whether he sees you or not). But it does make one wonder....

Priceless Entertainment

Oh, this morning was a real treat! It was LM's 2nd grade music program, and boy, he did not disappoint. Below is a series of photos I like to call, "Yeehaw! Sing It, Cowboy!"

The hat.... He had a hard time keeping it on his head.

Takin' a moment to socialize with a friend. Yep, in the middle of the program.

He was really feelin' it here, deep down inside. And, no, I didn't just catch him with his eyes closed, he was hamming it up for the song.

Squirrel!

Startin' to get bored and itchy.

Second wind!

Bored and itchy again....

I'm not sure, but I think he was trying to send me an urgent message with his eyes here.

Motions? LM had his very own apparently, too bad nobody else got the memo.

Handy how those ears hold up his hat!

I love how this kid marches to the beat of his own drum. (Claps to his own beat, too. Although I prefer to call it syncopation.) He's definitely one of my favorite forms of entertainment-- yeah, I'm pretty blessed!

A Few Good Quotes

LM is home sick today. Nasty cough. Honestly, he's kinda crampin' my style. He wants stuff like snacks, beverages, entertainment...what does he think this is-- school? I told him he's far too sick to be prancing around the house playing with toys and that he'd better go get into bed for a nap. It, uh, worked. No, really-- he's actually down in bed right now resting. Sheesh, poor thing, he must be sick!

Looks like Mama has a few minutes to post on her blog! (Don't worry, I'll check on him in a few hours to make sure he's doin' okay down there. Just kiddin', he'd never let me off for that long.)

1. LM: (helping me in the kitchen, making dinner) "Want me to get the crap pot for you?"

Me: "The what?!"

LM: "The crap pot."

(I think that must be a cross between a crock pot and a...? Either that or he was anticipating some distressing bowel issues after the meal and just wanted to be prepared.)

2. LM: (when asked by hubby to pick up his toys) "Ugh-- Dad! You're making me frustrated! Now, I'm as angry as a rhino!"

(Watch out, hubs! We've all seen "When Rhinos Attack"-- and it ain't pretty.)

3. LM: (when hubby denied his request to have the dog sleep on his bed) "I have an idea! Let's let the one who made us in their tummy and suffered all that pain decide. Hey, Mom-- that's you!"

(This raises a couple questions: first of all, do I really make that big a deal about how much labor hurts? Hmmm, yes, yes I do. Second of all, why can't we default to this sort of logic in every decision making process? I think LM is onto something here!)

4. LM: (while in a serious wrestling match with hubby) "Alright, Dad, I'm gonna go koala on you now!"

(I believe hubby's terrified response was, "Oh no! Not koala!")

5. Ruby Jane: "Hey LM, do you want me to get you a cupcake from my class cupcake sale?"

LM: (pondering the offer grimly before deciding) "No, 'cause cupcakes are too fatty and I hafta watch my muffin top. And I need to eat, well, healthy."

(How does an 8-year old boy even know about muffin tops, let alone be concerned about having one? I'm a failure as a mother!)

6. LM: (trying to get me to buy hotdogs, obviously forgetting his plans for healthy eating) "Mom, I do like meat a lot-- especially when it's round."

(Funny, I would say the exact opposite: the more contrived the shape meat is in, the less likely I am to want it.)

7. Hubby: (to Ruby Jane) "If you can't say anything, don't say anything at all!"

(Wiser words were never spoken! Way to impart that wisdom to the kiddos, hon!)

8. LM: (pretending to answer the phone) "LM Yerbiznus, residence speaking."

(Soooo close! In fact, I may even prefer his way.)

Dang, this kiddo is hungry again! How does he last at school all day eating only one meal? Well, folks, duty calls. Perhaps I will find some round meat for him to enjoy.