2010 Already?

New Year's resolutions: to do, or not to do-- that is the question. I know, I know-- we're already well into the first week of 2010 and if I haven't already landed on a set of resolutions perhaps I should just forget about the whole thing.... Hey, wait a minute-- I love that idea! And really, it just came to me-- this is no premeditated post. I am switching directions midstream and you are all along for the ride. Let's see where this goes, shall we?

No resolutions.... Lovin' that thought-- what a novel idea!

One year I resolved to not eat chocolate. It sucked. I was a wench the whole year. (You ladies know what I'm talking about?) One year I resolved to go without pop. That was really a sort of pansy goal, however, since I've never been a big soda drinker. (Talk about easy.) One year I resolved to start running-- and I never stopped-- although I never quite achieved that marathoner's body I was dreaming of (I think you actually have to run marathons to get one of those. Uh, no thanks). One year I decided to read one book a week, and actually read more than that. (Go ahead, you can say it: DORK!) But this year? Losing weight, eating right, exercising more.... None of those sound like any fun to me. Why do resolutions always have to be such...bummers?

So let's think of some fun resolutions instead! I mean, hey, life's short. (Do you see what happens when I don't rehearse a post in my head first? Already I've gone from touting "no resolutions" to brainstorming ideas for "fun resolutions" instead. There's no stopping me now, though! Heck, maybe I'll even throw caution to the wind and forgo proofreading this train-wreck altogether before posting. Crazy!)

How about these:

1. Eat more trans-fats. Sure, they kill you-- but we're all going to die someday anyway. And let's face it, trans-fats taste awesome.

2. Spend more money. I have a credit card. I've never once run up a debt on it. But 2010 is a year for new experiences! Who's with me? Come on everybody, let's say it together: European vacation!

3. Pinch more butts. I tend to stick with familiar family booty, but maybe this will be the year I branch out into far more riskier territory: stranger booty. Which brings me to:

4. Spend a day in jail. Never done it. Might be fun. They have cable there and an exercise room as well as three square meals a day. Am I wrong, or did I just describe a hotel??

5. Change my name. What girl hasn't dreamed of owning a moniker like Princess Cordelia Penelope Sweetloveything? Ah, yes-- this year it can be yours!

6. Buy a monkey. Haven't you always wanted a monkey? (Oh, if only I had a million dollars....) Speaking of which....

7. Play the lotto more often. Spending a few bucks to get a few million bucks sounds like the world's greatest financial move to me, folks. This may be my year!

8. Make-out more often. Because...heck, it's freakin' fun. Do you actually need a good reason for that one?

9. Become a superhero. Let's see.... I'd like to be called Super Mega Ultra Lightning Babe (thanks for the idea, Frozone). And if pitted in an epic battle against Storm of the X-Men, I think it's clear by name alone who'd win that one, people.

10. Make every weekend a 3-day weekend. (Why hasn't anyone thought of that before? I'm a genius!)

On second thought-- I think I'll just stick with "no resolutions" this year.