Every morning as I drop LM off at school, I wait until his teacher has let all the students in before I leave. I'm usually the only parent who does this.... But, then again, I'm the only parent whose son might just wander off to the playground and forget all about school. Heck, he may even try and catch a ride home with someone just to avoid having to do his math facts that day. I just hope that by the time he's in high school this little ritual will no longer be necessary....
Yet, being that I wait outside the class every morning, I get a front-row seat to lots of first-grader action. And many times I leave chuckling and shaking my head in amusement. First-graders, after all, are nearly as entertaining as Kindergarteners.
But not this morning.... This morning they were brats! And I will admit, without shame, that as long as they are not being brats toward my son, I usually don't say much. For my son's sake, I try to be as invisible as possible. But this morning, ah...this morning the fangs came out!
It started with three little monst...er, I mean boys teasing LM as he spoke to a little girl. You know the timeless taunt-- "LM and Maya sittin' in a tree...." The best part was, they spelled kissing wrong. But you'll be glad to know I did not stoop so low as to point this out. I allowed a round or two of this because LM and his friend seemed content to simply ignore the boys and continue their amiable chatter. It wasn't until the little girl expressed discomfort at the teasing and the boys redoubled their efforts that I stepped in with a gentle, "now boys, that's not very nice, is it?" They stopped, and I once again disappeared into the background.
But I could see that one little boy (a boy who probably picks up cats by their tails) did not appreciate my interference. He began to physically torment another child while keeping one eye on me. I squinted at him a little as the child begged him to stop. But he didn't stop-- he smiled. Are you psycho?? I wanted to ask, exasperated. Needless to say, I was thoroughly disgusted and had to control my anger as I firmly said, "Noah, do you need to go to the end of the line?" He was not, however, phased by my threat in the least and responded, "You're not the teacher!" Gauntlet thrown-- challenge accepted!!
"You're right, I'm not the teacher, but I can make you do what you need to do. I'm an adult and you need to respect adults." Not my most eloquent speech ever, but it got him thinking nonetheless. I could tell he still wasn't quite convinced, however, so I added, "I think I'll go ahead and tell your teacher what you've been up to this morning." Ah, mission accomplished. He fell silently back into line and glared at me. As the teacher opened the door to let her little cherubs in, snot-head filed past me and said, "aren't you going to leave now?" I smiled sweetly at him and replied, "no, I think I'll wait a minute until you've all gone inside."
Then, I told on him. I know-- adults aren't supposed to tattle! But it felt AWESOME! I hope he goes home and tells his parents, actually. They're just as snotty as he is.
I volunteer every week in LM's classroom, thus I'm getting to know all these critters pretty well. And I will make sure to be extra sweet to wee Noah next time I'm in. After all, doesn't the saying go, "keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer"? Noah, my love, you and I are going to be good buddies, I just know it. Wahahhaahhaaaaahaaaa!
You were AWESOME.
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