Shoo Fly!

I find myself wishing I could be a fly on the wall at my kids' schools. I bet they're funny. Sure, I get a little taste of what they're like when I come in to volunteer, but I can't help but think I'd get a more accurate representation if they didn't know I was there. Do you think it would look bad if I hid in the bushes and peered through the windows into their classrooms every once in a while? In any case, I'm pretty sure I'd get a bunch more quotes that way.

1. Woman: "Hi, Nona! I didn't recognize you-- you look cute!"

(I believe the last time a woman didn't recognize me immediately was because I looked older. This time it was for looking unaccustomedly cute. I'm going to try not to analyze those things too much. I might get a complex.)

2. LM: (anxious for a book he had on hold) "Mom, can we walk to the library?"

Me: "No, bud, it's way too far."

LM: "Well, we could just make a chariot. All we need is some wheels, wood, and electronic stuff...I'm not saying it will be perfect."

(Um.... Or we could just wait until daddy gets home with the car.)

3. LM: "Can I play with a friend?"

Me: "No, but you can get dressed."

LM: "Nah, it's my goal to stay in my jammies all day."

(That's right, LM-- aim high.)

4. Ruby: "LM! How come you're being so mean to Carson?"

LM: "Because I have nothin' to do!"

(Eek-- get the boy some playdough or something!)

5. LM: (talking about the cookies I was making) "Mom, I just get the big ones. Ruby can have the runts."

Me: "Well, that's pretty selfish, isn't it?"

LM: "Yep."

(Well, okay then....)

6. Ruby: (after LM had explained that he told a bully his sister would defend him if she wasn't nice to him) "So, what did you tell her I'd do to her?"

LM: "That you'd give her a really piece of your mind!"

(Ruby then clarified that she was willing to punch the girl instead-- and forgive me, but I did not discourage this team building exercise, misguided though it was. But I may live to regret that....)

Perhaps you'll recall the recent quotes concerning LM's version of theology? Well, it was Ruby's turn this week!

7. Ruby: (trying to get her dad to do something she wanted) "Dad, the Bible says let your word be yes."

(Yikes-- we'd all be in for it then, wouldn't we?)

8. Ruby: (explaining what she learned at church, giggling uncontrollably) "Whatever comes outta the mouth goes into the stomach and out of the body."

(Although we corrected her wording of the verse, Ruby still laughed her head off. She was just too taken with the fact that Jesus was making a delicate reference to poop. Leave it to Ruby....)

There, consider yourself a fly on our wall! Never dull, never dull....