Shhhhhh!

I have two little gems from hubby to share-- and I was lucky to get them!  As you know, hubby doesn't enjoy the clickety-clacking of my nails on the computer keyboard while he's trying to sleep.  But sometimes the man's so deep in it, he doesn't notice.  Thus, I was able to capture one of my all-time favorite sleep talking quotes recently.  (I swear, I don't make these suckers up.)  I'll even start off with them for those of you who comb through the list to find hubby's contribution first.  I'm all about making your life easier.

1. Hubby: (asleep) "Gotta remember that spirit unicorn thing-- she got some FUNK, man!"
(I lol every time I read this!)

2. Hubby: (asleep-- and this one was so rambling I only got the first two sentences typed out before I could no longer keep up-- he had a LOT to say this particular night) "You see an opening and you're going to climb in it-- that's just the way you are.  Part of me likes that."

3. LM: "Guess what? I kicked Robert in soccer today."
Me: "On purpose?!"
LM: "Don't worry, Mom, nobody saw."
Me: "Nobody?"
LM: "Well, somebody saw-- you know who."
Me: "Jesus?"
LM: "Yeah.  And his father."
Me: "God?"
LM: "Yep."
Me: "Well, then you'd better not do it again!"

4. Ruby: "I was reading my Bible the other day about Jezebel and how she committed sexual immortality...."
(Whoa-- that actually sounds pretty awesome.)

5. LM: (talking about his goals for the future) "I just want to get a Camaro and a good wife."
(Ah, the simple pleasures in life!)

6. Ruby: "Those pictures are stupendous-- they inhale through a straw!"
(Tween translation: "Those pictures are stupid-- they suck!"

7. LM: (after I'd given him a dose of liquid melatonin before bed) "Is there alcohol in this?"
Me: "Ummmm, yes."
LM: "So, I'm allowed to drink alcohol?!"
Me: "No-- this is different because it's like medicine.  There's not enough in one dose to affect you."
LM: "But if I had a cup of it would it?"
Me: "Well, yes."
LM: "Have I had a cup of this in my whole life?"
Me: "If you added up all the doses you've ever had, yeah, probably."
LM: "So, I'm drunk!"
Me: "Uh, no."
LM: "Maybe just a little?"
Me: "No."

8. Me: (asking Ruby about her upcoming 3rd soccer game) "How many goals are you going to score today?"
Ruby: "Probably none."
Me: "Why not?"
Ruby: "Well, after the first and second game, the glory days are over."
(Yeah, you're definitely past your prime, Ruby.)

9. LM: "Mom, when I grow up I'm going to be a government, with a pet shark and a Camaro."
(Now that is thinking big, folks!  Most kids want to be the president-- but how many want to be the entire government??)

10. LM: (insisting that I include one of his jokes on my blog) "Why did the skeleton play the piano?"
Me: "Why?"
LM: "Because he had no organs!"
Me: "Hahahhahahhaaa!"

Anyway, that's it for now.  Here's hoping that tonight I have a dream about the spirit unicorn thing.  She got some funk, man.