Avoid The Yellow Snow

Ah, Spring is coming!  I can tell by the patches of grass poking up amongst the piles of rock hard snow.  I can tell by the increased activity of the birdies and squirrels in our yard.  I can tell by the slowly warming temperatures and increasing incidents of rain.  I can tell by the fact my son has made the great outdoors his personal outhouse again.  Ah, yes, Spring is on its way!  All the signs are here!

What is it with boys and peeing outside?  Or is it just LM who is inclined to do this?  (No, no that can't be.  I seem to remember Dad's stories about a certain...favorite bush...where a roll of toilet paper was conveniently stashed for whatever business might take place within the branches.)  It's like LM knows, in the same way bears know hibernation is over, the precise time to begin taking his business outdoors again.  In fact, he loves peeing outside so much that when the urge strikes (and he's inside) he'll make a mad-rush for the front door.  I have to stop him and say "the bathroom is right there!!" as I redirect him to the miracle of indoor plumbing.  But it doesn't help.  He is drawn outside like metal is to a magnet.  

LM went to a friend's birthday party across the street the other day.  As I walked back home with him after the festivities were over, he climbed up on a rather high snow berm at the side of our driveway.  Having finally figured out that boys like to climb things-- anything really-- I kept walking up the driveway knowing that he'd follow soon enough.  But, he didn't.  So I turned around to find my little guy with pants pooled around his ankles, facing the street, and peeing off the edge of the snow berm for all the world to see.

Me: "LM!"  (Yes, that was my brilliant response.)

LM: "I'm peein'!"  (Apparently feeling clarification was needed.)

Me:  "Yes-- but we do that inside, remember?"  (Things I never thought I'd have to say....)

LM: "I couldn't hold it!"

Me: "You couldn't hold it for the 100 feet it would have taken for you to walk to our bathroom?"

LM: "No!"

I had nothing to say.  What could I say?  I just don't understand!  As a youngster going backpacking with my dad and sisters, I required the utmost privacy in the woods to conduct my business.  I lived in fear that some lone explorer would come traipsing through the forest and happen upon me, bare butt slung over a log, in mid...well, you know what I'm saying.  And here is this little munchkin, exposing all his little boy parts to the entire neighborhood with reckless abandon.  And loving every single second!  

We've had this conversation before, he and I.  Last year I considered myself successful when I finally convinced him to at least relieve himself in a private corner of our fully-fenced back yard.  Apparently I will have to remind him of that little gem of an idea again.  His father has other deeper concerns, however.  He asked that I teach him how to just pull his little pisser through his zipper instead of yanking his pants down as far as they'll go.  Yeah, that was an interesting conversation!

Hubby: "You need to teach him to not pull his pants down when he pees!"

Me: "ME??"

Hubby:  "Yes, you can do it because you're home with him all day."

Me: "ME??"

Hubby: "Yes, YOU!"

Me: (recovering somewhat) "I don't know anything about that!  I don't have one of those things!  I don't need to pull anything through my pant zipper-- heck, I pee with my pants around my ankles too!"  (The phrase "the blind leading the blind" coming to mind.) "So you teach him!"

Hubby: "You're stubborn."

Me: (knowing victory when I see it) "Yes, yes I am."

And so I continue to stumble my way through this strange and wonderful world of boys.  (And men think women are hard to understand!)  But as much as I don't understand these creatures, I adore their alien behavior in ways I would have never guessed.  And I suppose I really don't need to understand-- I just need to enjoy the ride (and hang on for dear life!).