What Can I Say? It's Genetic....

I have a confession: I am a terrible mother.  But there is a way to get around that little detail, you see, and I've discovered it!  It is really very simple; I just train my children to think that my behavior is normal-- then they don't actually know they are being raised by a Neanderthal.  

One of my more primitive qualities happens to be that I laugh at inappropriate times.  I laugh at my children when most mothers would be gathering them into their arms for solace and comfort.  I laugh when most mothers would feel outrage.  I laugh when most mothers would grieve or at least empathize.  And if you see me doing any of those "normal" activities (comforting, raging, grieving or empathizing) it is most likely an act on my part performed in order to appear, well, normal!  (Either that or I've gone into "Mother Bear" mode-- also a very primitive state of mine.)  

My little Ruby Jane is often the object of my amusement, much to her chagrin.  But she is showing signs that my training is paying off!  She has begun to laugh with me!  (I hope I haven't ruined her chances for a normal life.)  As of late, her ongoing mystery disease has provided us with much fodder for hysteria.  (You see?  When I said I was a terrible mother I wasn't kidding!)  She takes 5 different naturopathic pills everyday, in addition to the Methotrexate she takes once a week.  The naturopathic pills are large and very, um...natural smelling.  (Natural, as in "compost", that is.)  She kinda has to psych herself up a bit before pounding those puppies.  And on one such occasion, her mind lost its iron-grip and she began to gag.  Gagging produces one of two reactions in me: I, myself, gag-- or, you guessed it, I laugh.  This time I happened to bust up.  At first she looked at me with her "you are so cruel!" stare that she has perfected.  But it didn't hold out, and soon she was rolling, too.  

Then there was the other day when I nonchalantly told her we were going to go somewhere and she assumed, excitedly, that we were heading out to get a surprise.  I lost it!  Because the "surprise" was that we were actually on our way to get her blood tested.  Yes, I literally thought it was hilarious that my sweet little girl mistakenly got excited about the prospect of having a treat, only to find out that she was instead heading off to get her arm stabbed with a needle that would suck the blood right outta her veins.  (Now can you see why I only gave this blog address to a select few?  What would people think!!)  But, while most folks couldn't comprehend what is remotely funny about that, my Ruby Jane saw the humor in the situation and belly-laughed right along with me.  

It's really a brilliant trick, this whole "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" philosophy I've adopted.  I can stave off my kiddos' tears just by emitting a few well-timed giggles in an otherwise traumatic situation.  And along with fooling them into thinking their mother isn't a complete freak of nature, they're also learning how to laugh at life. 

This...special quality...can get a person in trouble, however.  At weddings and funerals especially.  These are considered sacred events by most people.  And, don't get me wrong, they are indeed serious and reverent occasions!  But unfortunately for people like me, this fact also means that anything remotely amusing which occurs at these events suddenly becomes hysterical in light of the somberness surrounding the situation.  I guess it's just the whole juxtaposition aspect that gets me.  Some of you understand where I'm coming from, some of you don't....  

Like, for instance, at my niece's wedding last fall.  The setting was perfect.  We were outside in the country surrounded by lush trees and gardens, elegantly adorned tables, romantic candlelight and the sweet sound of a small stream gurgling nearby.  The bride was glowing, the parents and the grandparents of the couple were delicately sniffling into their hankies, and the officiant had just embarked on the vows when, BOOM, down goes the best man.  What made this already funny situation absolutely hilarious was the fact that the sound of his head hitting the side of the gazebo echoed throughout the small clearing.  I couldn't suppress the immediate guffaw that escaped my lips (of its own volition!).  I literally slapped my hand over my mouth and looked around wildly, body shaking in an effort to contain myself, searching for a kindred spirit with whom I could "lose it".  There was nobody!  Not a single soul!  The best man, in the meantime, was surrounded by several doctors, nurses, and paramedics who happened to be in attendance.  Oh, he was fine!  Gingerly, I prodded the elderly lady next to me and tried to broach the subject that this whole situation was slightly amusing.  She looked at me, aghast, and said, "really?  Do you think so?".  That was a temporary buzz-kill, I admit it.  But it didn't stop the spastic attacks of giggles that plagued me on and off until the end of the ceremony.  Simply conjuring up the scene in my mind was all that it took to render me in ha-ha land again.  

Are there unfortunate occurrences which I don't find amusing?  Lots.  Oh, many, many, many.  (Like the news, for instance.  Rarely funny, that stuff.)  But I find there is a lot in life to laugh at.  And sometimes you can find humor in the most unlikely of places....  (Like the sound of a head cracking against the side of a gazebo.  Who knew?!)  I can only hope that one day, after years of therapy, my children can appreciate this about me.  And if not, well, I will probably find that hysterical.