Let's Not Use The Word "Old", Shall We?

Let me start by saying that I'm only 31, and as far as I'm concerned that makes me just barely an adult.  But seeing as I've passed over to the other side, so to speak, teenagers and 20-somethings now seem like mere children to me.  (What happens when I hit 40?  50?  Will these age groups seem like infants then?)  But the one problem I see in this view is that it makes me feel a little old, and as a 31-year old I have no right to feel that way.  (Somebody say "Amen"!)

What brings this up, you ask?  Fashion.  Fashion reminds me that I'm on the "outside" of youth nowadays.  I find myself saying things in reference to today's trends that I heard my mother say when I was younger-- back when I was fashionable.  And, anyway, who wants to ever repeat the things their mother says?  (I love you, Mom!)  But it's happened; terms like "unbecoming", "unflattering" and "uncomfortable" are now a regular part of my fashion vocabulary (replacing "trendy", "stylish" and "cool", respectively).  

Let me offer up skinny jeans as an example.  Skinny jeans are of the devil.  I don't know anyone over 30 who wears those abominations (unless they are trying, unsuccessfully, to regain their lost youth).  It's like they were invented for the sole purpose of making anyone with a more "mature" figure feel like a giant cow.  And for those of us with curves-- forget it.  What better way to shout, "my hips and butt are ginormous!" than to throw on a pair of pants that hug you tighter at the ankles than they do at the waist.  I, for one, have some pride.  

Another item I am refusing to buy into are booties.  My daughter has a pair.  Gwyneth Paltrow and Victoria Beckam wear them, too.  You know what I'm referring to, right?  The ankle-high half shoe/half boot look that seems to have been derived from a style that Laura Engles Wilder might have worn back in the heyday of fashion.  All I know is that I have no desire to make my legs appear shorter than they actually are.  Heck, I need to take advantage of every single inch of leg I have (goshdarnitall!) and booties effectively remove several of those indispensable inches.  (But hey, if you have inches to spare, go for it!)

And speaking of shoes, I just don't understand why it's necessary to have them be in any color except the color of the "clutch" and outfit you're wearing.  Is it just me?  Am I the backward one here?  Why is it cool to wear a pair of bright green shoes with your silver clutch and cream micro-dress?  And why do I need a "clutch" anyway?  They're completely impractical unless you find yourself in a situation that requires only that you carry a tube of lipstick with you.  I need to carry something more along the lines of an Army tote bag in order to corral all of the items I deem necessary for everyday survival.  Clutch-schmutz!

If I were a trend-setter you'd better believe that high-waisted, boot-cut, knee-length, casual, and full-coverage would be the new lexicon for style.  But alas....  I will have to remain content in the fact that although I may not pass for "young" anymore, at least I don't have to wear those freakin' skinny jeans.  (Thank heaven for small mercies!)