Non-GMO Quotes

I have to admit, I'm glad this week is over. It began with some fun genetic testing for LM (and for those of you in my gene pool who might be interested, I'll keep you posted) and ended with LM barfing...a lot. (For my dad's sake I'll spare the details. Oh...except for one: if you've never watched partially digested broccoli fly out of your child's mouth like a projectile missile, you have missed a very unique scene indeed.)

Without further adieu:

1. LM: "My Transformer is so nice, even a bank robber's kid would want to steal it!"

2. LM: (giggling uncontrollably while we were out and about...in public).

Me: "What's so funny?"

LM: (trying-- for once-- to be discreet by keeping his voice low) "Ruby just let some air out of her butt!"

(At our burst of laughter, his "discreetness" vanished and his volume increased exponentially.)

LM: "I think it was a fart!"

3. LM: (immediately, and loudly, after high-fiving the particularly short man at our church entrance) "Hey, that man is almost as small as Ruby Jane!"

4. LM: (pretending his Megatron Transformer is singing) "I'm a hottie! I'm a hooooottttie! I'm a hottie, a hottie, a hoooootttttie!"

Me: "Do you know what a hottie is?"

LM: "What?"

Me: "It's someone who is really cute."

LM: (wistfully) "I'd like to meet a hottie someday...."

(Whoa, slow down there, buckaroo. I can't even think about that yet!)

5. LM: (noticing I wasn't eating dinner) "What are you gonna eat, Mom?"

Me: "Nothing-- I'm going on a date with Popi tonight."

LM: "Ooooooo, so you're in love with Popi! Do you kiss?"

Me: "Uh...no."

(Hmmmm, maybe "date" was the wrong terminology here.)

6. LM: (excited about...something or other) "Wooohooo! I feel like a queen who's just stabbed a dragon!"

(I don't know which should worry me more-- that LM feels like a queen, or that he might find pleasure in stabbing things.)

7. Me: "Ruby, don't use my lotion, it makes you smell like a woman instead of a little girl."

Ruby: "But mom, the more boys you attract, the better off you are!"

Me: (pausing a moment to find the right words to address this...atrocity).

Ruby: (enjoying my befuddlement) "Just kiddin'."

(Why does she enjoy torturing me so?)

8. LM: "I'm tired of us all sitting like a bum on a log!"

9. LM: (looking at a Japanese robot in a magazine) "Mom, can we buy that robot?"

Me: "No! It's 2 million dollars."

LM: "What if I say please?"

Me: "Still no."

(Nice try, though.)

Bonus Round: "If you were wise...."

LM's latest fascination is asking "if you were wise" questions. Almost everyday, he'll pull-out with a few doozies that are very difficult to answer. (Most having nothing to do with wisdom-- they're more like "which is the lesser evil?" questions.) Anyway, here are just a few:

"If you were wise, would you rather eat a thousand tacks, or a live scorpion?"

"If you were wise, would you stick your finger in Carson's butt, or get a parrot?"

"If you were wise, would you let a T-Rex eat you, or would you kill a dolphin?"

"If you were wise, would you fart on your teacher, or step on her foot?"

"If you were wise, would you eat a buffalo or a monkey?"

Think on those for a while. And next time you see LM, ask him to spin a few "if you were wise" questions for you! You might just learn something about yourself that you never actually wanted to know. (Like, I learned that I would rather stick my finger in my dog's bootie than have to deal with a parrot. I also learned, surprisingly, that I am capable of killing a dolphin.)

Until later....