Presto Chango!

I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I get songs stuck in my head that I'd rather not be singing. You know, songs that are either idiotic, too difficult for my novice abilities, monotonous, or...naughty. Don't judge me! I don't like listening to naughty songs! But some of them are terribly hard to avoid unless you live in a bubble. I've heard them at wedding receptions, on teenagers' stereos, restaurants, and basically anywhere there's a radio playing. Some of them are quite catchy, too. But I have a solution to the problem of getting a naughty song stuck in my head. I'd like to share it with you, in the off-chance that any of you are as much a dirty sinner as I am.

It's simple: change the words to the song, and then sing your little heart out! (You may want to do this only while you're alone, as engaging in this activity will make you look like a fool-- guaranteed.)

Allow me to give you an example. Take Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl" for instance. Kissing girls is not something I'm interested in nor do I particularly enjoy singing about it. But dang it if that's not one of the catchiest tunes out there! Ah, but apply my solution and, voila, you have an innocent little ditty you can sing for hours on end-- guilt free!

I Kicked a Squirrel

I kicked a squirrel and I liked it!

The sound of his peanut cracking.

I kicked a squirrel just to try it,

I hope his squirrel friends don't mind it.

It felt so wrong, it felt so right,

Don't fear-- the squirrel is alright!

I kicked a squirrel and I liked it!

I liked it!

See, that's really all you need. You don't actually have to continue with the whole song (unless you're enjoying yourself that immensely). Usually a few rounds of the substituted lyrics gets the job done before you start feeling like an idiot and decide to move on to a different, more wholesome song. Works every time! The key, however, is to keep most of the lyrics the same or at least very similar, or else you'll never remember them.

Oh, the lengths I go to to help those I love! And, hey, if you ever find yourself stuck on a song with lyrics you're having difficulty changing, give me a call. I'm always here to help. And my mind is just twisted enough to come up with just about anything. (Try, "Tux on Fire" by Kings of Leon, or "Thanks for the Hemorrhoids" by Fall Out Boy. See? This is gonna be easier than you think!)

Happy singing!