So Much For Exercising!

Today was the last Saturday of the training clinic for our city's big race (remember, the one I posted about last month?).  Hubby decided it would be fun if we went and participated as an entire family.  And since I was looking for an excuse not to have to run seven hilly miles this morning, I heartily endorsed this idea knowing the kids would force us to cut it short.  But I figured Ruby Jane and I could at least have a lovely jog together while hubby and LM brought up the rear.  But, as usual, my best laid plans are...well, dumb.

LM surprised us by starting out at a sprint.  We could hardly keep up, partly for laughing at his unique running form, partly because he's a freakin' Speedy Gonzales.  (Picture this: you know how Russian soldiers march with their legs all stiff and unbendy-like?  LM's form is akin to that style, but a bit more flexible and at about quadruple speed.  And his arms flop like wet noodles at his sides.  Also, he appears to be drunk.  He's not, of course, but he swerves all over the road like an intoxicated blind man.)  It's hard to breathe properly while you're snorting giggles out your nose, but we soon found out that LM provided many unscheduled rest stops along the way where we could catch our breath.  It went something like this: sprint, stop, pick flowers, walk, jog, sprint, stop, back up, point at something not there, jog, stop, whimper, sprint...well, you get the point.  

Amazingly, this unique running strategy actually had us passing folks on the trail.  And LM, being one of the most uninhibited creatures on the face of the planet, was compelled to talk to (or at) the runners, walkers and bikers we encountered.  At one point we saw two elderly gentlemen jogging toward us on the other side of the trail.  LM pointed to them and told us excitedly (like he would had he caught sight of a Spotted Owl) "Hey, look!  Men!"  Yes, sweetheart, men are just one of the many fascinating creatures to be seen while out here in the wilderness.  The men smiled and waved at LM, which pleased him to no end.  

Finally, we reached our turnaround point where there were water tables set up.  Two ladies who were going to be continuing on the full distance took the opportunity to first rest on a rock nearby.  LM walked up to them and asked, "Are you restin'?"  When they nodded he responded, "Oh.  I need to go poop!"  They smiled and nodded again, probably thinking that sounded like a pretty good idea at the moment.  Fortunately, there was a bathroom about fifty feet down the trail which LM spotted and yelled, "Is that the pooper?"  What a delicate way of speaking he has!

I looked at hubby pleadingly, and he understood my silent request.  "You and Ruby Jane go on ahead, LM and I will catch up."  Oh, thank goodness!  Ruby and I started jogging back toward the trail head, relieved to be free of our strange pacer.  

Hubby and LM took a shortcut back and arrived at our car about the same time Ruby and I did.  All in all, it took us about an hour to cover less than 4 miles.  Yes, an hour.  I'll just chalk it up to "family time" instead of "exercise", I guess.  At least everyone had fun-- LM especially.  As we piled in the car he sighed, "that was the best day of my life!"  Oh, LM, if only....