Bag-O-Quotes

I've managed to gather lots of quotes recently-- and they come from a variety of sources! From nieces and nephews, to sisters and first-cousins-once-removed. And, of course, LM.

1. Mister: (singing to himself) "I'm a bottomy, I'm a bottomy-- I'll toot your face off!"
(I suppose if there ever were such a thing as a bottomy, that's exactly what it would do.)

2. Carmenita: (excitedly eyeing a jar of peaches) "I want peaches!"
Me: (getting ready to dole them out) "Okay-- how much do you want?"
Carmenita: "I want toooooo much!"
(Now that's my kind of girl!)

3. LM: (avoiding my motherly advances) "You can't smooch me until you give me something proper to eat."
(Okay then, would a knuckle sandwich constitute as "proper"?)

4. LM: (approaching a gentleman with his canine) "Can I pet your dog? Hey, kind sir, can I pet your dog?"
(Kind sir.... Works every time.)

5. Hubby: (sleeping-- groaning as he spoke) "Champs-Elysees...Champs-Elysees...."
(If he's speaking French in his sleep, all I gotta say is he better be dreaming about me.)

6. LM: (after hubby had collected and deposited a number of LM's belongings into his tidy room) "Stop putting stuff in my room! I'm tired of having that, that, this, this all over the place-- it's like I'm a hoarder!"

7. T: (said loudly to her husband in public) "Stop dinkering with your dinker!"
(If only people knew she'd been talking about his phone....)

8. Bopper: (upon seeing hubby) "Well, hey there Branting!"
(I waited for her to give him a smack on the rump to complete the male athlete greeting, but she missed that part.)

9. Me: (observing LM and Mister working hard outside) "Good job, boys! You're doing awesome work!"
Mister: "Thanks! You're pretty!"
(I think he felt he needed to answer my compliment with one of his own. Hey, I'll take whatever I can get.)

10. Me: (hearing telling "number two" noises come from the bathroom) "What's going on in there?"
LM: "Something awesome."
(Doesn't smell awesome....)

11. LM: "We only have one rated-R movie, which I'm disgusted about!"
(I'm confused. He's disgusted that we have it, or that we have only one?)

12. LM: (looking for a small Lego piece) "It's like trying to find hay in a needle-stack!"
(Sounds painful. And not that difficult, actually.)

13. Me: (lying next to LM in bed, reading to him) "Hey bud, can you scoot over? You're crushing my shoulder."
LM: (after I'd adjusted to a comfortable position...for me) "Ugh! Now I'm in the same state you were in!"
(A terrible state, that.)

Last, but not least, a little gem I ripped from my cousin's Facebook page. It makes me laugh every time. With her permission:

"As my family and I were sitting at the dining room table eating breakfast this morning, the little one was being delightfully naughty. She continued to dip her fingers in her bowl of maple syrup after I had told her to stop. I looked at her and with a half smile told her that I had brought her into this world and I could taker her out if it. She smiled and said that she would then get to go to God. To which her daddy replied, "But you know what happens to naughty children when they go to Heaven, don't you? You grow a third arm on your back that spanks you over and over for all of eternity." The whole family erupted in hysterical laughter. Thanks, Babe. We'll go ahead and file this day in the "Awesome Parenting" category :-)"